Let’s not mince words here: Bringing sex toys into the bedroom creates anxiety and insecurity for many people — not just men, but women, too.
I haven’t met a person that isn’t at least a little overwhelmed by the variety and quantity of sex toys available when they first start looking at them.
Have you seen the selection or imagined what these oddly-shaped, quizzically-named devices are supposed to do for you? Even the “novelty” toys — supposedly more for show than for use — can leave the most knowledgeable of shoppers confused about how they’re supposed to work.
If you’re serious about playing around with sex toys, you need to do your homework. It’s important to know what they are made from, not just how they’re supposed to work.
Sex toys are made from glass, metal, silicone, hard plastic or soft plastic.
Soft plastic is a tricky substance. The problem is how they relax the plastic for “jelly” or other soft plastic toys using a group of chemicals called phthalates.
Research shows phthalates, which can be taken into the body when using sex toys, may cause a variety of negative effects. A commonly reported severe side effect is decreased sperm counts in men exposed to average or high amounts of phthalates.
I can’t tell you what the ultimate scientific reading on phthalates will be, but with the variety of toys available, I wouldn’t recommend using the ones that might harm you.
Another anxiety inducer for sex toys is the feeling some experience when the idea of using toys is brought up. Men especially tend to believe they’re no longer needed sexually if a woman wants to get a sex toy.
If you feel you’re being replaced because your partner is finding more pleasure with a toy than during your sexual encounters, it’s time to talk to your partner. Don’t do it while you’re in the bedroom or about to have sex, but at a time when you’re both in a relaxed, non-threatening environment where you can talk freely and openly.
You need to have a discussion that gets down to the heart of the matter.
If you want to be a better lover, you have to be willing to accept some constructive criticism. Find out what you do that your partner enjoys, as well as things you can do that you aren’t doing now.
Sex toys — especially vibrators — can create sensations very different from what another human can provide. But one sex toy, or even a dozen of them, can’t give the variety of sensations an attentive and creative lover can. No toy can make me laugh so hard I cry, cuddle me after sex or kiss me until I’m breathless.
Your partner may be interested by the different sensations a toy can bring, but that doesn’t mean your lover wants to experience them without you.
Just as there is more than one pleasurable sex position, there’s more than one way to achieve an orgasm. Sex toys can be a great way to explore those different ways.
Just because a toy is coming into the bedroom doesn’t mean that you are being shoved out of it. If your partner wants to experience a sex toy with you, the important part isn’t the sex toy.
The important part is that they want to share it with you.
Use the toy as a way to share intimacy and orgasms previously unavailable to you both. With a few exceptions, there is more than enough room in the bedroom for you, your partner and a variety of toys to spice your sex life up and keep the pleasure coming.
Sex toys can be complicated, but they should be a complement — not a death sentence — to your sex life.
Kristi Carnahan is a 25-year-old anthropology senior from West Monroe. Follow her on Twitter @TDR_KCarnahan.
 
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Contact Kristi Carnahan at [email protected]