No more man thigh.
Chant it. Scream it. Do whatever it takes to end the erroneous plague that haunts our University.
Short shorts for men have become a staple in University fashion over the years, especially among males in Greek organizations. But as fall fades in, it’s time for the trend to fade out.
The few advantages offered by borderline-booty shorts are easily outweighed by their numerous disadvantages. While comfort and varied style may be a high point for sporting elongated undies, frostbite and constriction of the male region should deter one from them.
At best, short shorts are just plain inappropriate. Even though society accepts the occasional flash of the man thigh, it makes people uncomfortable. It’s the male equivalent of the side boob, only 10 times worse.
The most egregious offenders come from those who refuse to shave but are apt to expose what lies above the knees. No student should have to encounter the horror of a Loch Ness Monster clad in Daisy Dukes. Think about the children, sir.
Although short shorts are my personal pet peeve, many other fashion-backward trends run rampant among Greek students.
The oversized T-shirts and Nike shorts outfit has obviously been ingrained in many University females’ heads as the campus uniform.
Stop. We’re not in high school anymore. Aren’t you excited to break free from the bondage that is collared shirts, lanyards and pressed khaki pants? (Or whatever you were forced to wear back in your glory years.)
Feel free to venture into other clothing alternatives. Be an individual. I’m not asking for anything radical, but at least throw on a pair of jeans every other day. Is a shirt that fits too hard to find?
No one wants to be that guy or girl who’s red carpet-ready every day of class, but standing out is better than shrinking into a crowd of Things 1, 2 and 83.
Everyday wear may not be a major concern for many members of Greek organizations, which is understandable. With arduous tests and long-winded assignments looming over one’s head, I can’t blame those who choose tradition over individuality.
But because I’ve seen a few sorority and fraternity members step outside the uniformity of their peers, it’s not an unattainable goal.
Start with this: Every morning before you leave your room, perform one of two simple tests.
Guys: Turn around and stand in front of the mirror. Drop a pen on the floor. Then pick it up. If you feel a peculiar breeze creep up your backside, the shorts are too short for you, bro.
Girls: Instagram your outfit and wait at least 20 minutes to see the photos of your sisters. If you can’t find at least 10 differences, put something else on and repeat.
Even though these instructions will require you to lose a little beauty sleep, it’ll save you from the judgment. You’re welcome.
This columnist’s views do not represent those of The Daily Reveille.
