At the risk of being repetitive toward the end of the school year, I would like to enumerate some helpful guidelines for being a college student. Some might be useful – others utterly offensive. They do not spring from the whim of an aging student but tested through the “sufferings” of the greatest four years of my life:
 
The Dressed Student
I am not a carpenter, so I do not wear carpenter’s pants or shorts. I am fine with having only four pockets below my waist.
I’ve found backpacks to be much more suitable for carrying things of a more varied size.
If I have something to say, I do not need to say it with my clothes. If clothes are statements, no one is getting the message.
I shower at least once a day. I brush my teeth at least once a day. I look in a mirror at least once a day. I get out of my bed at least once a day.
 
The Drinking Student
I don’t fight at bars because I know there are good chances I’ll hurt later and better chances there aren’t too many good reasons for it. Many drinks are also lost in the process. I fight behind trees near schools at preappointed times.
I don’t order a name-brand alcohol when I’m mixing it with anything other than water. Jack and Coke is going to taste the same as bourbon and Coke especially when I’ve already had 10 of them (Please don’t write in about the difference between bourbon and other whiskeys – we get it; you know alcohol).
I understand that times are changing, and males can order frozen screwdrivers and other “girly” drinks without someone questioning their manhood. I will, however, hold to the belief that a screwdriver is a morning drink . . . I tip.
 
The Studying Student
I understand that some people might need to read or study before class, so I only talk loudly enough for those conversing with me to hear.
I don’t brag to people about the amount of time spent studying because it varies by student. If I am in the library or another quiet area for study, I don’t talk to others or use my cell phone. I don’t use my cell phone when walking through a quiet area of study. I don’t ask strangers about their grades, nor do I make my grade obvious. I study because I am not a genius but I would like to make grades similar to that of a genius. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have attended college.
 
The Driving and Walking Student
I keep up with the pace of traffic not stopping my car to talk to pedestrians. I cross the street at designated crosswalks or when no cars are around. Pedestrians might have the right of way, but drivers have big cars and might have bigger problems on their mind.
I don’t take lefts at busy intersections at busy times when there isn’t a turning lane/signal.I park making sure there is ample room for other cars that might want to park near me.
I play music at a reasonable level because I know others might hate my taste in music as much as I hate theirs. I don’t listen to music while walking because it would inhibit my ability to hear important things around me such as ambulance sirens, a policeman, evangelists.
 
The Talking Student
I avoid directly talking about my political or religious beliefs.
I respect others’ rights to free speech and my right to disagree. If someone is making a bad point, I assume others will realize this too. I will let the fool keep on speaking so as many people as possible can disagree with him.
 
The Dining Student
No matter where I am eating, I observe the traditional Western etiquette of eating, namely with my mouth closed and napkin in my lap.
I keep conversation limited to when I don’t have food in my mouth and at a level which will not upset others dining near me.
The human civilization has progressed so much over the past few millennia, and I celebrate this feat by using utensils, one of humanity’s most treasured inventions, whenever food calls for it.
I read or study while dining only in appropriate places, a good example being cafeterias. A good litmus test is whether or not I have seated myself.
 
The Dating Student
An object of affection should always be in the forefront of a student’s mind with respect to social situations. Would this person appreciate the way you admire or talk to others?
Casual “hook ups” may gratify one in the short term, but they can be emotionally disastrous when one finds someone with which they wish to have a serious relationship. Always be true and honest with people; your emotional fortitude might not be the same as others.
So there it is. I spent four years at LSU without much guidance, and looking back at all the mistakes I have made, some funny and some serious, I wish someone had given me an inkling of advice.
 
Lake is a history senior. Contact him
at [email protected]