Armageddon is upon us, and this time there’s no Bruce Willis to save us. Things will never be the same again. This past Friday, J.K. Rowling, author of the “Harry Potter” book series, stunned New York’s Carnegie Hall when she announced Hogwarts’ own Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was gay. The audience’s silence quickly gave way to shock. The blogosphere exploded. Kids came out of the closet in a shocking series of imitation outings much to the consternation of fundamentalists across the world. Kittens threw themselves in rivers out of protest. Oh the horror! The horror! Don’t let yesterday’s birth of a two-headed calf fool you, though – the clues were there all along. Everyone who’s read “Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows” knows the relationship between Dumbledore and the Dark Wizard Grindelwald was always a little too pat, their closeness suspect given Grindelwald’s flair for the Dark Arts and desire to enslave the mudbloods. It just didn’t gel with Dumbledore’s keen sense of justice and feelings of goodwill toward all mankind – be they mage, muggle or squib. Grindelwald’s bad boy appeal was too much for Dumbledore to resist. I bet he wore a leather jacket too. Just like Fonzie. I totally saw it coming. My suspicions grew throughout the series, and I hoped the plethora of clues proved there was a method to Rowling’s madness. On the other hand, I also thought it’d be funny to write erotic fanfiction about the LSU football team, so perhaps when it comes to the University literary community’s mood, I’m not the best barometer. This was confirmed once I did some hard polling while chatting on AIM. Most of the respondents on my buddy list were up in arms. “It’s like finding out your grandfather is gay,” noted one Potter fan who asked to remain nameless. “I mean, you don’t want to know about your parents’ or older relatives’ sex lives, which is basically what Dumbledore is for us true fans.” “I wouldn’t want to know if Dumbledore were schtupping McGonagall in the Great Hall after hours either,” she added. I concur, but for different reasons entirely. Harry Potter elicits strong emotions in people because the stories are archetypal yet intensely personal. Just because I think Dumbledore’s decision to stop living a lie is cool and adds nuance to his personality doesn’t really change my appreciation of the books for what they are. Harry Potter remains the young adults series par excellence. But there’s controversy there too. Do a Google search, and you’ll see people complaining about reviewers who noted Harry Potter is a kids’ series. They think this series is somehow everyone’s series: Because adults read the books, they somehow cease being kids’ books. The fact that I find this thinking odd but find Dumbledore coming out of the closet to be entirely pedestrian says a lot about me. I was a librarian for several years and shelved the series numerous times in the YA section, so maybe that explains the disconnect. Dumbledore’s sexuality aside, there’s something strange about Pottermania. Arguments about genre are stupid, but the fact that people keep having them tells us something: There’s a need to prove adults couldn’t go gaga over mere kids’ books. Of course, a bunch of adults did go absolutely gaga over a series of kids’ books. In fact, the only thing getting much of the populace to read at all was a series of kids’ books. Don’t get me wrong, I love Harry Potter. I hate that I’m a muggle, cursed with mudblood and a banal sense of the impossible. Hogwarts would strip that from me, making me pure. And I’m not alone in this sentiment. The series’ popularity is undeniable. Look at the number of Facebook.com groups – has Facebook ever been wrong? Popularity is good and all, but it doesn’t explain the large number of people who love reading Harry Potter and nothing else. To them, Harry Potter is not merely the only reading they enjoy, but the only reading enjoyable at all. This is something those of us participating in higher education need to think about. Why is young adult fiction the only thing getting people to read? More importantly, why is often-clunkily-written young adult fiction the only thing getting people to read? Harry Potter is exceptional from a story-telling standpoint, but as far as being well-written – well, the verdict is in, and Rowling is criminally negligent on the count of meandering plots plagued with poor pacing. And you know I’m speaking truth to power, because you were just as bored in the middle of “The Deathly Hallows” as I was. But this doesn’t matter to lots of people, and that’s OK. It’s a minor complaint. Deep down, I’m dying for another sequel.
—-Contact Neal Hebert at [email protected]