When I first came on this campus for orientation, I remember stepping out of the Atrium hearing a weird monotone bass sound. It was someone yelling, and eventually I discovered the source: a gangly man in a scarf was reading from the Bible, to little or no audience. My orientation guide saw my puzzled expression and said “oh, that’s the Fair weather Preacher. He stands out there reading all the time.”
He then smiled, and I swear there was a twinkle in his eye, “but Preacher Gary…you’ll like him.”
Before I met Gary, I met his legend. Rumor had that he pointed to girls wearing pants and called them whores and claimed to be without sin (anyone who has even flipped through the Cliff’s Notes for the Bible knows this isn’t true since Christ is the only one without sin). His past had rumors equally bizarre; he claimed to be a Hell’s Angel and that his wife left him after he stopped beating her. There’s even rumors that Gary was hired by universities or is a living straw man to inspire students to think and into action.
When I first met him, it was outside the Talley Student Center. About three students took turns yelling arguments at him, while the rest shouted insults and jeers at him. Gary himself was about as bigoted as the rumors led you to believe; he condemned students to hell, put himself on a pedestal of purity and denigrated women as much as he could.
Back in March of this year, Gary was kicked out of UNC’s version of the Brickyard, the Pit, for refusing to follow noise ordinances. I haven’t seen him much around since then.
I must say that I have missed him. True, Gary and those like him tend to just wander campuses, spitting venomous insults and hurting student’s feelings. But what’s amazing is the uniting Gary seemed to foster. Atheist, Christian, Muslim, black, brown, white, everyone hated Gary. It was a sight to see. Students, sometimes as many as a few hundred, circling this preacher and yelling at him, drowning out his words. Maybe it’s because Gary warps and abuses the idea of Christianity and Christ’s love. Maybe it’s because Gary resembles what all demagogues like him should a rambling old man with no friends and no respect, yelling about pants and “dem durn” brown people. Maybe it’s just because he’s kind of evil in every way. But Gary united people on campus. He was entertaining.
I did miss Gary…until today. When walking to my class on Thursday at about one 1 p.m., I saw a new man yelling in the Brickyard, surrounded by at least a hundred students. A few came up to him and started arguing. One girl was brought to tears as he said that she had no faith in Christ. Another was accused of…rape, somehow, for suggesting that the man was just as much a sinner as anyone else. His name was Brother Micah, and he was just as wonderfully stubborn and bigoted as Gary.
So I did something I’ve never done before; I got in his face and made fun of him. I suggested that he was a homosexual and secretly wanted me. I yelled rap lyrics at the crowd over his bigotry (did you know gangster rap will send you to hell?). I belittled every aspect about him and called him a racist.
And it was FUN.
I don’t want the Brickyard Preachers to leave. Even if they are horrible (Brother Micah should be ashamed of himself for making that girl cry) and idiotic, they can also be hilarious fun. They are like ideological Twinkies- no matter how hard you hit them, they bounce right back up into their original pasty goo-filled shapes.
God bless Brother Micah and Preacher Gary. Their hate-filled bigotry unites us and they are completely harmless in the process. Heck, if you saw me there or you were there, drop me a line. Let’s set up an entire Facebook group. We can meet whenever they convene, and have gay people make out while the straight people read pornographic stories out loud. Let’s make it an event.
Because the only way to have something like a victory against these people isn’t to convince them they are wrong, but to make them into the objects of hilarity that they are.
What do you think of Preacher Gary and Brother Micah? Send your comments to [email protected].
