50. Mike the Tiger can’t be fed in public because of “security reasons.”49. LeBron James is the next Michael Jordan.48. Twitter is evil.47. iPhones are worse.46. Smart phones were not made for smart people.45. Talent isn’t skin deep. Yes, this one’s about Susan Boyle, the British singing sensation that looks like the offspring of Joan Rivers and Austin Powers.44. It’s tough to talk when you’re teabagging.43. Michelle Obama is — and should be — the hottest woman on the planet.42. Short shorts with words displayed on the rear end will never go away.41. Rap music is dying. Case in point: the new hit song, “Do the Ricky Bobby.”40. Felons do the best work, as evidenced by their tireless efforts on Student Government’s Class Gift project.39. Members of SG don’t realize how little they matter or how pretentious they are. 38. It’s tough to get to “The Next Level” when you’re at the bottom of the top tier. It’s even tougher to do “More” with budget cuts.37. Crying gets you nowhere.36. Hannah Montana is to America what hepatitis is to the third world. It’s curable and life would be better without it.35. I’m kind of a jerk.34. The Octomom is getting exactly what she wants in coverage of her lack of parental skill.33. Sarah Palin thought about getting what she would outlaw across the country.32. There’s no difference between Sarah Palin and the Octomom, only California isn’t dumb enough to elect Octomom governor.31. “Scrubs” is dead.30. “The Office” is dying.29. For a hint into the stupidity of America, tune into any matchmaking series on VH1.28. Jon Stewart is a better journalist than Sean Hannity.27. Stephen Colbert, the current comedian, is a better journalist than Glenn Beck, the former comedian.26. Rachel Maddow might singlehandedly save the value of cable news.25. Chancellor Michael Martin looks more like the Monopoly Man than former Chancellor Sean O’Keefe.24. Vice President Joe Biden doesn’t have a filter between what he thinks and what he says.23. Neither does Rush Limbaugh.22. Neither does Bill O’Reilly.21. The Twilight series will destroy humankind before global warming ever melts us.20. If you lived in Somalia, you’d be a pirate too.19. Navy Seals are amazing.18. If Al-Qaeda were smart, they would recruit geese.17. America is only No. 1 in obesity and imprisonment.16. Friedrich Nietzsche was right.15. Martin Heidegger was dead wrong.14. Joel Osteen missed the point.13. The correct debate about torture is not whether those techniques worked, it’s whether those techniques were torture.12. Ask the Japanese we executed after they waterboarded our troops in World War II.11. None of us know anything, but we all share the same capacity to learn.10. The truly wise questions. The truly dumb assumes.9. Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Marijuana at all, you’re going to jail.8. Bobby Jindal is running for president in 2012.7. I’m not voting for him.6. Neither is the rest of the country after his Mr. Rogers impression.5. Capitalism is more dangerous than socialism. 4. Greed in a free society is more dangerous than piracy.3. Taking a semester off from doing something you love to refocus study habits pays off in the end.2. Taking a year and a half off school to refocus after tragedy pays off a year and a half after returning.1. Fear the hat.Eric Freeman, Jr. is a 22-year-old political science junior from New Orleans.—-Contact Eric Freeman Jr. at [email protected]
Freeman of Speech: Fifty more lessons learned throughout this year
May 2, 2009