Halloween seemed pretty simple back in the good ole’ days.But All Hallow’s Eve takes on an entirely new meaning in college.You see, for many students, Halloween isn’t just some silly festival. It’s a coming-out party — an annual opportunity for closeted stereotypes to shed their daily disguise and reveal their real persona.It’s not about getting cheap candy anymore. It’s about getting attention and a cheap sense of acceptance.Don’t believe me? Well let’s take a stroll down Carlotta Street and play a little game called “spot the stereotype.”Take King Leonidas over there for instance. For our purposes, we’ll just call him Todd. Todd is king of the douches. Outside this party, he’s Mr. Guido incarnate. If his spiked hair and skin-tight youth-medium T-shirts don’t give it away, his limited vocabulary will. After all, why speak coherent English when you can substitute rad syllables like “Bro” for virtually anything in the English bro-cabulary.How does Todd keep that muscle-tone bod? Glad you asked, bro-dysseus. Turns out, Todd is at the REC pumping iron eight days a week, five weeks a month, 400 days a year. Numbers don’t add up, you say? “Eat shit!” Because Todd’s superhuman ego allows him to forcefully subdue space, time and improper fractions.Not sold? Go ask him. Todd loves to brag about his power-lifting, ‘roid-popping exploits. Legend has it Todd and his two spotters can bench-press 235 pounds. Pretty impressive for a guy who — thanks to cheap Bolivian steroids — only has one functioning testicle.Tough luck, bro-nad.Who knows? With a few more Muscle Milks, Todd might even earn a roster spot on the LSU football team. Sound far-fetched? Evidently you’ve never seen Todd’s amazing JV highlight reel. Rush Propst would’ve killed for such a stout fourth-string tight end.One thing is certain. Todd is NOT gay. He might spend hours loitering in the men’s locker room. But he’s not looking to schedule an appoinment with an analrapist (see “Arrested Development”). Because he’s NOT a bro-keback bro-mosexual. And he’ll tell you — emphatically. He’s definitely not “queer,” Bro-seph Addai. Sure, he’s converted his tight end to a wide receiver a few times. But, bro, he was totally plastered from Malibu shots.Totally, totally not gay.Oh, and before you leave, make sure you compliment young Leonidas on his radiant spray tan and his “killer” beard. Just don’t ask if he got gorilla-masked with erratic patches of wet pubic hair.Sadly, Todd isn’t the only pathetic stereotype roaming on Carlotta Street tonight.Case in point: take the slutty she-devils like “Susan.” Susan is a whore. You’d never guess it any other day of the year. But, trust me, everyone has had his share of her sloppy exponents. Frat boys. Entire offensive lines. Her stepfather. You name it.Sure, on the surface Susan seems like a good, wholesome girl with a heartwarming southern accent. She even goes to mass twice a week, where she’s occasionally been caught bobbing for apples under Father Johnson’s tunic.But that’s not all. Every Halloween, Susan’s menstrual cycle magically aligns with the full October moon and the Trojan expiration date to procreate with some runaway demon seed. From what I hear, this low-budget whore thriller always ends happily. And luckily for this particular bro, Susan’s already reached the “Buy 10, get one free” mark on her customer appreciation card at the Brightside a-bro-tion clinic.Everywhere you turn, you’re bound to run into these closet stereotypes. So just do yourself a favor — laugh at their insecurity. They’ve earned it.Then again, who knows? Maybe you’re one of these people. Maybe your real costume is the one you see in the mirror 364 days a year.If so, here’s to you, bro. You might be wearing a “costume” this weekend. But, trust me, you’re not fooling anyone.Scott Burns is a 20-year-old economics and history junior from Baton Rouge. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_sburns.—————Contact Scott Burns at [email protected]