“No, no smoking in bars now, and soon, no drinking and no talking!”That’s a line from comedian Eddie Izzard’s “Dressed to Kill” stand-up, concerning the smoking ban in California. He adds, “In the future, everyone’s going to say, ‘Come down to the library, we’ll have a wild time shall we?'”While this might be funnier in his stand-up than in this column, it was becoming closer and closer to being a reality here in Louisiana.Bravo to our Louisiana House of Representatives for preventing this absurdity.For those who haven’t been paying attention for the past two years, smoking was banned in Louisiana restaurants in 2007. The law had some stipulations, though — the most important being the definition of a restaurant.The bill defined restaurants as establishments that make more than 50 percent of sales from food sales.Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines restaurants as “a business establishment where meals or refreshments may be purchased.I guess dictionaries aren’t the greatest place to look for definitions, though.As it usually goes, the government decides what words mean and how things work, but this particular definition created bitterness between bar and restaurant owners. Many restaurant owners, especially those that could be considered “bars” in our vernacular, didn’t find the law fair. Many bars were fine with it because they were still allowed to sell food so long as it maxed out at 49 percent of total sales.House Bill 844 by Representative Gary L. Smith, Jr. (D-Norco), University graduate, sought to broaden the already controversial smoking ban. If passed, smoking would be outlawed in bars and — as amended in the House Health and Welfare Committee — gambling establishments.”Supporters of the measure said it was a public health measure designed to protect patrons and workers in bars and casinos from the harmful effects of secondhand smoke, and would create a level playing field between restaurants, bars and casinos,” an article in the Times-Picayune read.But the reason seemed to be much more about a painful oversight in the original bill that created such a confusing and arbitrary definition of a restaurant.Not to minimize it into a random example, but think of a dinner and a couple of drinks at The Chimes — get a bowl of gumbo for $7.50 and a couple Abita Ambers for around $4 each, and you’ve been to a bar … right? Granted, not everyone drinks. Granted, not everyone would order this. Granted, this might be a puerile and capricious example, but it highlights the problem with the original law.Rep. Smith put it best when he said, “I’m here today with a bill that’s going to bring some equality to restaurant owners.”The bill was destroyed in the House last week in a 29 – 71 vote against the measure passing.The last bit of legislation attempting this same idea, essentially, was Senator Robe Marionneaux Jr. (D-Livonia)’s Senate Bill 186 that planned to ban smoking in bars that sold food at all while allowing it in bars and casinos that didn’t.Yesterday, this bill was voted down by the House Health and Welfare Committee, 11-6.Many feel the hazardous effects from second-hand smoke should be, and fairly easily can be, snuffed by banning smoking in public places. Twenty-five states have already passed complete bans on indoor smoking in public places.In many instances, this makes sense. Though restaurants always had “smoking sections,” the invisible lines separating it from the rest of the tables wasn’t much of a barrier to protect the non-smoking patrons. Of course, restaurants are privately-owned entities, and the ban wasn’t just for soup kitchens, so the argument of government control is another powerful one.But bars seem like a different story. A bar is a place created around vices, essentially. Rock music, alcohol, sexuality and cigarettes are quick associations for the word “bar.” Of course, this doesn’t cover all bars or maybe even the majority of them, but the fact remains that people think of these things when they think of bars. They are sanctuaries to do things that might seem inappropriate elsewhere — I mean, shit, imagine a guy downing a few shots of Jack chased with a couple High Lifes, dragging on a Marlboro Light and grinding to bad rap in a Home Depot or an Olive Garden. While these things may not be good, and while not everyone takes part in these things, that is where a bar makes its money. It sure isn’t on pool.(Sidenote: when Googling the words “Is smoking,” auto-complete wants to add on “weed a sin.” This has nothing to do with this column, save for letting you know one of my many secret research methods. Plus it’s kinda funny.)The basic argument is if you don’t want a smoky atmosphere, don’t go to a bar. As Izzard puts it, “… soon no drinking and no talking. Be careful.”Of course, hanging out in a library actually sounds pretty cool.Travis Andrews is a 21-year-old English senior from Metairie.—-Contact Travis Andrews at [email protected]