I’m not afraid to admit I’ve made some dumb decisions in my life.
Onion rings at the fair before hopping on the roller coaster, ordering a hot dog at a seafood restaurant and taking that 10th shot of Jack Daniels freshman year — all wholly unintelligent decisions I soon came to regret.
But no choice I’ve made, including putting things into my body that immediately exited through their entry, can compare to the sickening stupidity politicians regurgitate on a daily basis.
It’s hard not to be politically cynical in our age when you take a look at some of the idiotic ideas our nation’s leaders have stumbled upon during their terms.
Nowhere is this more evident than right here in Louisiana, which seems to be a hotbed for the inbred brainchildren of public officials.
And if any of you have some semblance of optimism when it comes to government, all it takes is one glance in the direction of the Mayor’s Office on St. Louis Street to make a cynic of the most politically fervent people.
East Baton Rouge Mayor-President Kip Holden’s most recent foray into the realm of civic ineptitude came just last week, with the introduction of his anti-crime initiative headlined by the “Gas for Guns” program.
In the same mold as the almost equally moronic and forcedly alliterative “Cash for Clunkers,” the “Gas for Guns” initiative “provides Circle K gas cards worth $50 to $200 in exchange for unsecured guns with no questions asked,” according to last week’s report in The Daily Reveille.
With $400,000 collected from private donations and police drug and asset seizures, residents can trade in guns for gas cards, with .38 caliber guns worth $50, larger guns worth $100 and “assault style” guns worth $200.
But here’s the kicker: Anyone who turns in a gun does so with no risk of retaliation from the law. All exchanges are done without asking for names or manner of acquisition, with a two-gun maximum as the only restriction.
Now, Holden hasn’t been the worst of officials to serve Louisiana in recent history.
Then again, that’s more a product of the competition than his actual work in office, a backhanded compliment on par with something like, “You don’t sweat much — for a fat girl.”
Nonetheless, Holden is doing his best to become the sweatiest of the bunch with this initiative, which is backward in logic and an ineffective way to combat crime in a dangerous city.
Let’s speculate for a second. Imagine you own an illegal gun. Now, consider why you would own such a gun.
Your motive can be narrowed down to protection, intimidation or enforcement — and really, protection is least likely, as most semi-automatic guns can be obtained legally.
So, as the hypothetical owner of an illegal firearm, you see the announcement of this initiative. What do you do?
As nice as the offer sounds, your gun is far more valuable economically than, at best, a couple tanks of gas.
Exchanging your tool of power — the most valuable asset you own that gives you power over almost anyone you will encounter — would be foolish.
Instead, why not use the gun you already have to take someone else’s? You know some people who also carry illegal weapons, and you could very easily have prior grudges against them.
It’s simple — use your gun to steal others, trade those in anonymously and walk away a few hundred bucks richer.
Hypotheticals aside, hopefully you’re beginning to get the point.
Accepting firearms anonymously is not going to reduce crime. Whether the initiative allows for anonymity or not, people aren’t going to give up their unlawful arms.
Illegal weapons are owned illegally because they are used illegally — to threaten, to steal and to kill. Their value far exceeds some extra gas money.
If you’re so middle class you can’t relate, just look at a Michael Scott improv class to see how important guns are.
This initiative both overestimates the stupidity of criminals and reveals the stupidity of our local leaders.
And as far as indigestible things as I’ve consumed over the years, “Gas for Guns” is without a doubt the hardest to stomach.
Cody Worsham is a 21-year-old mass communication senior from Baton Rouge. Follow him on    Twitter @TDR_Cworsham.
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Contact Cody Worsham at [email protected]