Throughout the semester, I’ve provided more than my fair share of commentary on the University’s budget cut situation.
But it seems all my efforts to get through to the University community have failed.
I’ve tried satire, I’ve tried earnestness — hell, I’ve tried just about every trick in the journalism bag, all to no avail.
No one seems to be paying attention. Here we are at the end of the semester, and the student outcry against budget cuts is as nonexistent as Paris Hilton’s virginity.
As a result, faithful readers, I’ve given up and joined the dark side — I’m officially a budget cut apathist.
So, in preparation for my English 2148 final on Shakespeare and a last attempt to convey my thoughts on the situation, I now present to you a bit of budget cut poetry.
Here now is a lyrical defense of student apathy toward the University’s fiscal sorrows:
“The end is near,” we students cheer, in reference
To finals’ soon conclusion, and our preference
For leisure over scholarships expected.
But after all the tests have been collected
And students leave for Christmas holiday,
Our precious University must stay
And face the fiery fist of fiscal ruin.
Little do we care what storms are brewin’,
Or what dark fates await their suff’ring school
Cause, simply put, the budget cuts ain’t cool.
We’re more concerned with Lady Gaga’s dress,
Despite her face’s sheer repulsiveness,
And whether Cam got paid 200 grand
To bring ol’ Auburn to the Promised Land.
(Hey, feds, one place you just might want to search:
Check Papa Newton’s pulpit in the church).
Such talks of budget cuts can’t possibly compare
To Jacob’s abs or Edward Cullen’s hair.
Who cares if our degrees aren’t worth a lick?
I just got Kanye’s album — dude is sick!
And teachers? I don’t care if they get fired,
I’ll just pretend they quit or they retired.
Cause let’s be honest, as long as I can pass,
Less teachers means more reason to skip class.
And anyway, I’d rather be at Reggies
Giving GDIs atomic wedgies
Than spending time on boring education
And the metaphorical fiscal castration
Of Mike and dear Louisiana State.
So as I head for home to celebrate
Not Christmas but a five-week break from hell,
I have one final thing I’d like to tell:
The reason that we’re all enrolled in college
Has nothing in the world to do with knowledge.
A degree and some good times is all we’re after:
A piece of paper and a bit of laughter.
So Jindal, cut the budgets all you can…
I’ll be long gone by then, degree in hand.
Cody Worsham is a 22-year-old mass communication senior from Baton Rouge. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_Cworsham.
 
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Contact Cody Worsham at [email protected]