You’re in a new healthy relationship, and things are going great. The two of you really “click” and the relationship appears to be smooth sailing. Everything is going swimmingly until you find out your significant other is still communicating with his or her ex.
Dealing with the fact your significant other still communicates with his or her ex is a tricky landscape. Some may be okay with the circumstances, but the majority are not. Honestly, it is hardly ever a good idea to communicate with an ex on a daily basis.
Romantic relationships come in different levels of seriousness and time extensions. If the relationship is just starting and a significant other is communicating with an ex, it is a big sign he or she is not over the past relationship. If this is the case, it will be impossible to prosper in a new relationship because your new partner is still hung up on the old one. Studies show this is a huge problem among undergraduates.
According to a study of 260 undergraduates, over 40 percent of participants stay in contact with their ex, according to Psychology Today. In another study of 169 undergraduates reported by Psychology Today, researchers found the more contact a person had with their ex, the less satisfied he or she was with their current relationship.
Conversation with an ex may be casual, but it has the potential to break boundaries. At first, you may think it to be harmless for your loved one to communicate with an old flame. But, the closer you let them get to the flame, the closer you are to getting burned. It is not far-fetched to believe your ex could be rekindling old feelings.
The truth is, an ex can encourage your significant other to make rash decisions based on old feelings. If you are having relationship issues and your significant other is speaking to his or her ex, he or she could get persuaded to leave you. The ex was once the person who loved and cared for your “boo.” If there is communication between your boyfriend or girlfriend and the ex, it is likely the ex wants to rekindle the relationship. The ex is waiting for you to slip up and hurt your new partner’s feelings.
It is understandable for your significant other to speak to his or her ex if they have children together, work together or have mutual friends. But the relationship should be nothing more. There are still necessary boundaries despite these circumstances. If there are no mandatory ties between your new love and his or her ex, there is no reason he or she should be intentionally communicating. Exes are exes for a reason and should never be allowed to intervene in a new and current relationship.
All is not fair in love and warfare with exes. Exes are people who should be left in the past, not brought to the present or allowed presence in the future. Don’t want jealousy to ruin your relationship? Don’t talk to your exes or let your significant other think it is okay to talk to his or her’s.
Kiana Naquin is a 20-year-old English sophomore from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.