Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Gather round your television sets for the greatest show from Fox since “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire!”
Thursday night is “GLUTTON BOWL!”
That’s right, folks, those of you aching to see men gulp entire beef tongues washed down with a few frothy gallons of mayonnaise are in for a treat!
Anyone out there with a hankering for vomit-inducing scenes of huge guys manhandling the nastiest food on the planet, tune in.
“What the hell is Fox thinking?” you ask.
Well, your diligent Cuffist has obtained a top-secret transcript of the Fox executive’s meeting in which the show was born.
Fox executive Joe: “Huh-huh, dude. I’ve got like a great idea man.” (Cough. Cough.)
Fox executive Bob: “Who cares? Just pass it to the left, bro. Hehe.”
Joe: “Here (Cough.) man. We like gotta have a show for Feb. 21. So why not have a show of really, really, really fat guys. Huh-huh. Huh.”
Bob: (Cough. Cough.) Yeah dude. Faaaaat guys. With like serious munchies. Hehe. (Cough. Cough.)
Other future shows outlined in the transcript include:
1. Denny Four Four stoned guys spend 24 hours at Denny’s. It’s kind of like that Kieffer Sutherland show only with “Moons Over My Hammy,” waitresses with bad weaves and a lot of blank looks.
2. Dude, your head is HUGE! People with gigantic craniums talk about stuff while the camera films their head at angles that emphasize how FREAKIN’ HUGE their heads are.
3. World’s Funniest Stoned Animals Home and police videos with funny stoned animals. Like cats and stuff.
4. Atari Bowl Contestants smoke a bowl and play Centipede, Missle Command, Frogger or Asteroids. A tribute to stoners past.
5. Scammer The trials and tribulations of that one dude who always scams your pot.
6. Your lips don’t match the words coming out of your mouth.
7. Shut up, dude, yes they do.
Can you believe these Fox execs get paid a ton to sit around and do things that would make most of us flunk out of school?
Even worse, can you believe people watch the crap they come up with?
I wonder what kind of people those are?
Glutton Bowl Viewer One: “Huhhuh. Dude (Cough.) It’s like fat guys with mega munchies. Wooooaaaaahhhh.” (Cough. Cough.)
Glutton Bowl Viewer Two: “Yeah, man. (Cough.) Hehe. Hey, bro didn’t we have a final tonight? Hehe.”
Glutton Bowl Viewer One: “No waaaaaaaay!” (Cough. Cough.)
Put down the bong and e-mail your Fox show ideas to [email protected].
Rebekah Monson