Lately,there has been some debate about “decency” on campus.
This all began with the latest “Legacy,” which covered topics including “hooking up,” cheating and stripping.
I don’t usually take on issues in this space, but all this college immorality is freaking despicable!
I mean, who ever heard of college kids hooking up?
People actually go to bars to find strangers and have sex with them!
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!
I would never have suspected that all the 27 year-old men at Reggie’s (a.k.a. “The Pride of Tigerland”) and Fred’s were there to find 18-year-old girls to get drunk and take to bed!
Next thing you know, some student might cheat on a test or plagiarize in a research paper — or worse, some woman might STRIP to pay for her education rather than relying on mom and dad to write a check.
I am so outraged that I have formulated a detailed plan against moral indecency that our University should immediately adopt and enact.
I call this little slice of common sense the “Moral Master Plan.”
I’ll present you, dear readers, with four main points:
1. Ban Christina Stephens from campus. Stephens started that whole “hooking up” thing with her article telling people they may wake up feeling like dirty sluts after they have sex with strangers. She frequently spreads un-American, liberal, feminist, communist, anti-meat propaganda on our “student funded” newspaper’s editorial pages. The home- wrecker must go!
2. Stop funding all immoral activities/programs/places. No more Rec Center because short shorts promote impure thoughts. No biology classes where students might learn about (GASP) reproduction. No more humanities or arts classes where commie professors might spread immoral, liberal doctrine. Sports which encourage violence, require uniforms revealing skin or use “balls” must be banned.
3. Appoint a vice-chancellor of morality and values. Seven search committees comprised of moral individuals (including one extremely moral student to represent every student) will select this individual who will oversee all moral code and punish immorality.
4. Campuswide morality jar. This program would require all members of the university community to deposit a quarter (or 25 cents in other U.S. funds) in a Union-based receptacle if he or she ever commits an immoral act.
The choice is up to you, readers — moral degradation or moral triumph.
Please, take these issues to the administration or your student government representatives now. None of us wants to relive the “Legacy” fiasco.
Send your additional moral musings to [email protected].
Rebekah Monson