Off the Cuff
semiweekly, semifunny
Rebekah Monson
ATTENTION READERS: After last week’s Bryan Wideman Stinks Commemorative edition of Off the Cuff, Reveille Cuffist Rebekah Monson has opted to leave the humor writing business.
Monson announced her decision after a pitcher of margaritas at Serrano’s tearfully saying, “I’ll jush never be that funny gain. I gotta go to the bathroom.”
Monson’s column will be replaced this week with a gossip column from Mary Elizabeth Fordinet.
Welcome to Mary Elizabeth’s Gossip Corner, y’all!
I’m Mary Elizabeth, and I am the cup design chair of Theta Beta Psi! (Shouts out to my sisters and especially to my big sis, Katey! Theta Beta love, y’all!)
I also am a sophomore in interior design, and I date Carter Gregory Jameson IV! (He’s in Pi Gamma Kappa, and he drives a navy blue Explorer! He is sooooo cute!)
I’m really excited about writing this column for y’all! That “Off the Cuff” was soooooooo last season!
(Why don’t they make exclamation points with little hearts on the bottom?)
O.K., enough about me, let’s get down to the dirt!
Last weekend at Club Bogie, yours truly heard singing sensation Britney Spears was spied at Reginald’s once again Friday!
She was not spotted with any particular guy, but she did hang on a couple of the bartenders!
The real scoop is she requested one of her own songs, and everybody “booed” when it came on! How embarrassing!
Scandalous news out of Frat Row: One fraternity may have a date with the Dean of Students because they allegedly spiked the jungle juice at their Halloween foray with roofies!
Silly boys! I thought that punch was strong, though.
Rumor has it that a certain pledge of a certain sorority with colors lilac and blush was spotted modeling NUDE in an art class on campus!
All I can say is what was she thinking?! Getting naked in front of all those art weirdos?! GROSS!
There’s a cute new guy behind the bar at Fredrick’s in Tigerland, check him out! (Tip: he makes a killer Red Bull and vodka!)
Fashion note: Khaki is not the new black and orange is not the new pink this season, according to my fab style coordinator, Rodrigo.
OMG! My first column is over! Well, ttfn, new friends! Hugs — M.E.F.
ATTENTION READERS: The Reveille officially apologizes for this column of fictitious, poorly written garbage.
After consulting with former Cuffist Rebekah Monson, the future of this column is in your hands.
Monson said if she receives at least three e-mails asking for her return, she will resume writing Off the Cuff.
She also guarantees that upon her return, Mary Elizabeth’s Gossip Corner never again will defile the pages of this hallowed publication.
The management urges you to e-mail Monson. Please. We’re begging.