Off the Cuff
   
    I realized yesterday that I watch a lot of T.V.
   What made me realize this was not the hours I spent in front of the tube, but the fact that I have watched enough television to formulate burning questions about commercials.
   It may sound sad, but I also know you people well enough to know that you are actually interested in these questions.
   So, here goes.
   Burning question 1: Why do all commercials for herpes or genital warts medicine feature women in flowing clothes dancing merrily in fields of wildflowers?
   Maybe I’m off base, but when discussing sexually transmitted diseases, dancing and wildflowers aren’t exactly the first things that come to mind.
   I’m not saying advertisers should associate negative imagery with genital warts, but should they make people think it’s all about two-stepping in happy fields of daisies?
   From everything that I learned in my 7th-grade sex ed. course, I really don’t think herpes or genital warts are that much fun.
   Burning question 2: Why does every kid in a commercial have to give his or her parents smack?
   Advertisers are insane if they think telling kids that adults are stupid will get parents to buy breakfast cereal.
   Then again, somebody’s buying it …
   Burning question 3: Why does every car dealer in Baton Rouge think that yelling at me makes me want to buy a car?
   You know the routine: “HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! $299 DOWN AND $299 A MONTH GETS YOU A BRAND NEW (insert car name here)! WE’VE GOT DEALS THAT CAN’T BE BEAT! COME ON DOWN TO (insert car dealer here) TODAY! (Insert slogan here.)”
   Meanwhile, I’m hitting mute on my remote and seriously considering walking just to put these jackasses out of business.
   Final burning question: Why is Wilford Brimley (the Quaker Oats man) the spokesman for so many products now?
   Not that I have anything against good ol’ Wilford, but what makes him the perfect spokesman for everything from food to health supplies to life insurance?
   Maybe it’s that oh-so-sexy Yosimite Sam mustache …
   If any of you can find answers for my burning questions, I would appreciate an e-mail at [email protected]
(I have yet to get an lsureveille.com address that will keep you stalkers away.)