If you thought Happy Hands Schwarzenegger’s ascension to California’s throne was nothing more than a freakish collision of circumstances, be prepared: it could turn out to be just the proverbial “drop in the bucket” of celebrity political activism.
Now, only weeks removed from Conan’s election, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Danny Devito, among others, have announced plans to travel to Israel.
Undaunted by centuries of ceaseless conflicts, America’s hottest stars are ready to prove that militant Muslims and Zionist Jews will respond to their big-screen charm just as much as the rest of us.
They intend to quell the Arab-Israeli violence with an “aw-shucks,” down-home appeal, hoping their high profiles will earn them a spot at a bargaining table of peace.
After turning off their reality gauges for a moment, Pitt and Aniston issued a joint statement.
It read, in part, “The past few years of conflict mean that yet another generation of Israelis and Palestinians will grow up in hatred. We cannot allow that to happen.”
It’s cool, guys – really, it’s not your fault.
Despite the potentially benevolent motives behind such an effort, the naïveté fueling the whole project is befuddling.
The afore-mentioned superstars are part of a Hollywood group called One Voice, which is funded by businessman Daniel Lubetzsky and whose list of members also includes Edward Norton, Jason Alexander and Rhea Perlmann.
The U.K.’s Daily Telegraph reports that their plan of action is “not especially sophisticated,” which is similar to saying that Auburn’s offense was “not especially productive” on Saturday night. The Telegraph reports that Pitt and Aniston intend to visit the region, appeal to the “ordinary folk” and convince them to tell their leaders it’s time for peace. Wham, bam, thank you Hollywood couple.
Playing the part of the voice of reason in all this was Oz Almog, an Israeli sociologist.
When told of the quasi-peaceniks’ plans, he had this to say: “This is an incredibly complex situation and I am afraid they are naïve. Many Palestinians do not even have television sets.”
I guess they should leave Rachel … er … Jennifer Aniston, at home then.
Almog continued, saying, “For the past three years here, no one has listened to anyone, so what makes these people think they will listen to Danny Devito?” Not his gut-wrenching turn in “Junior,” that’s for sure.
Perhaps Norton and Pitt have the best chance to succeed where lesser negotiators – such diplomatic no-names as Bill Clinton, Tony Blair and Kofi Annan – have failed. Someone needs to tell Ariel Sharon “I want you to hit me as hard as you can,” and maybe the old codger would loosen up a little.
Arafat, Abbas and the whole Hamas gang could stroll down to the basement of “Lou’s” and work off a little steam.
The only thing that the peace mission is missing is the dad from “Friday” telling everyone they need to settle things the old-fashioned way: with their fists.
If these less-conventional methods do not succeed, it appears the effort is doomed. The Telegraph reports “the organizers admit that none of the actors has any experience in the Middle East or of conflict resolution.”
Oops. Call me crazy, but those intending to resolve a conflict in the Middle East should have experience in more than mugging for the camera.
If the best America has to offer are its beautiful people, united in sincerity and ignorance, then we live in a dark time indeed.