The month of September is rapidly approaching, and you all know what that means – Football season is in full swing (once again, Football will be capitalized in each reference to stress importance).
The NFL preseason is coming to a close, NCAA Football 2004 and Madden 2004 are selling off the racks like hot cakes and the little woman in every man’s life is ready and prepared to take a back seat, right?
For you freshmen or for those of you who were “absent” for the original, here’s the sequel.
I already have the sweet taste of college Football in my mouth after watching K-State’s Ell Roberson and Darren Sproles combine to rush for 220 yards in the Wildcats’ 42-28 win against Cal.
For the first time all summer I skipped out on a Saturday night with the crew, and it was well worth it.
With Football season finally here, a lot of pressure is relieved from my life. That awkward moment with a woman at the end of the night – you know, whether or not you will allow her to join you in your venture home – no longer happens. I will be at home watching the greatest team sport in the history of team sports.
No more late night phone calls, text messages or other activities – just me, the TV and the many sports commentators reaching out, teaching me the ways of the world, keeping me aware of the fact that women are evil during Football season, preaching to me that estrogen is a natural handicap, causing women to think and act irrationally, especially as I tune them out during a game.
“Saturday Night in Tiger Stadium,” ahh, just the sound of the phrase gives me goosebumps. The thump of the drums as the Golden Band from Tigerland marches toward the Eye of the Tiger at midfield, the roar of the crowd as the brass instruments belt out the LSU Pregame, and the pause of anticipation – if only for a moment – before the team sprints out onto the field, it’s enough to make a man weak at the knees.
It has been far too long a time since the Bucs tattooed the Raiders in the Super Bowl, and a man can have withdrawals only for so long.
As I stated last year, I give women attention during the months February through August, but once September rolls around, my attention is bestowed upon my true love. People of the female variety cannot seem to fulfill my needs the way a heated SEC matchup does. And once ESPN and ABC put a game on every night of the week, there is no
competition.
I attempt to date during the offseason, allowing women to console me, but it just does not fill the void. And from what I hear, I am not alone.
Football will not complain to you or nag at you. Football does not need all of your attention (although it consumes it). Football will not act crazy or irrationally based on the time you spend watching Football. Based on these reasons alone, Football reigns supreme. When you add in the actual game, there is no contest.
In closing, I will admit that certain women have earned the right to have my attention during Football season – Jill Arrington and Lisa Guerrero. But the others play no role.
I will close with my own immortal words.
“Listen up women, let us have the months September to January to ourselves with our cherished sport.
“We will give you some of our time at Christmas, and if your birthday falls during Football season, then we might make an exception. Otherwise, please request this cry for space, as I speak for all males in this country. Besides, you have February through August to manipulate us all you want.”