“Can I kiss you?” is a question that often goes unanswered because it often goes unasked.
To some students, asking for a kiss at the end of the night is a good way to ruin the moment.
However, Mike Domitrz, an expert on sexual assault awareness, disagrees.
“If asking for a kiss ruins the moment, then there never was a moment to begin with,” he said.
And, last night in the Cox Communication Academic Center for Student-Athletes, he talked about other common misconceptions and myths associated with dating, intimacy, and the proper way to receive consent in the “Can I Kiss You?” program.
Domitrz said many of the ways we are used to communicating are unrealistic.
He used daytime soap operas as an example.
“The characters on the show do not sit down and have a conversation about what is going to happen that night or how far the other person would like to go,” he said.
Domitrz also questioned why more women do not ask for a kiss.
“The reason is women are afraid that they will be labeled a slut or a ho,” he said. “Women call other women names. Men do not care if a woman makes the first move.”
Domitrz said many men are overjoyed when women are straightforward.
“Asking for a kiss also shows respect,” Domitrz said. “Because you give your date or partner the option to say ‘no’ if they do not want to kiss you.”
The program then took a serious turn when Domitrz told a personal story.
“When I was in college, my older sister was brutally raped,” he said.
Her rape prompted him to research sexual assault.
“Sexual assault is any sexual contact without the consent of another person,” he said. “Consent is permission. And to get someone’s permission, you have to ask for it.”
Domitrz said it may be extreme, but anyone who does anything to another person’s body without their consent is no different than a rapist.
“Safe sex is not just about using protection,” he said. “Safe sex is about feeling safe when being sexual with a person. If you can do that, using a condom or other forms of protection is simple and easy.”