The Cambridge Dictionary defines commitment as “something you must do or deal with that takes your time.”
We commit to friendships, relationships and ourselves because we want to show reliability and trust. I have found this certain aspect of humanity to be the hardest to deal with: fully committing to myself but especially to other people.
For me, not only was it hard finding a community, but I actually had to hold myself accountable to keep the relationships afloat. It was much easier to not have trust, so that when the trust is inevitably broken, then no one is at fault because I never had full faith to begin with.
In the 22 years I have been alive, I have also found that existence to be extremely pitiful.
Now, I’m not saying change your life around immediately if you find that some of these words heavily relate to you. We also have to be aware that the world isn’t 100%, and the current climate of said world isn’t helping.
Why would I help someone next to me knowing that at any second they could turn around and hurt me? And even if I were open to the community, how would I know who to trust? All valid points. Allow me to retort.
You don’t know.
As extremely scary as that sounds, that’s the beauty of not knowing everyone in the world. The person next to you could be a jerk or your new best friend, but you would never get to that conclusion if you never interacted with anyone.
We as humans need connection. Yes, introverts, even you.
Okay, cool. How do I do that? Little by little. I’m not an expert either, but the small interactions I have with strangers have made me realize I’m actually not as introverted as I think I am.
Start small. Compliment someone. Raise your hand if you don’t know something when you’re in class. Support a discussion. Or just a plain “I like that too.” It sounds elementary, but it really works.
Not only is it building your communication skills, but you are really able to weed out certain people you may or may not like in the future.
The internet may have you fooled into thinking that adding people into your life should be transactional. They do something nice for you to get something in return. So, that’s why you won’t drop your friend off at their job or expect a “money-back guarantee” on every investment; but that’s not how healthy relationships are built.
You have to get to know the person 100% if you expect 100% back, and if you give 100% and they only give 50% then that’s not the person for you.
Now you may also be asking, “Why do I need to interact with other people if I have myself?”
Self-love and self-care are some of the best things for you to have to help you grow internally as a person, but without real-world experience, you are just bouncing right back onto yourself.
Focusing solely on yourself for too many days at a time can turn into isolation, and being anchored to others, whether we like them or not, is much better than blowing in the wind.
How will you ever understand different viewpoints and thought processes? And yes, you do need to know these things so that you can understand even more things you like and don’t like.
All of this ties back into you and your identity. We all need other people, the people we consider good and the people we consider bad. They make us, us.
Michaiah Stephens is a 22-year-old english major from Durham, N.c.
