Coming to college has given me new insights and changed a vast majority of my opinions, including my personal stance on relationships — specifically long-distance relationships.
When I graduated high school in May 2012, I left my hometown with no intention of looking back, and I was excited to meet and date new people.
The college idea of long-distance relationships seems to be negative. I’ve heard people doubt they could work, sure that cheating was inevitable, and say that they are doomed from the start. The pressure of a serious relationship is immense already, there is no need to add the stress of a long distance relationship.
I agreed with those ideas, until I found myself in the middle of a long-distance relationship. Now my opinion has morphed as I’ve realized that there are several components of a healthy long distance relationship that can make it manageable.
1. Honesty is the best policy.
The hardest thing to come to terms with is that it will be hard. There is no denying that you will be surrounded by couples who see each other frequently. Sometimes it makes me want to vomit when I see two people holding hands because the person I want to hold hands with isn’t here.
But there is something really great about looking forward to seeing someone that you care about.
Honesty also comes into play with trust. A major factor in long distance relationships is being able to trust that the other person will behave appropriately and not take your trust for granted.
It is also important to be honest with each other about whether a long distance relationship is working. I frequently check in with myself and my significant other to make sure that we are managing the hardship of distance both together and individually.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that you cannot handle a long distance relationship, and at the end of the day it’s only going to hurt the person you care about if you stay with them out of guilt.
2. Communication, communication, communication.
This has been the biggest struggle so far. In college things change hour to hour, and we’re busy. Luckily, we live in a burst of communication technology.
But they are also a hindrance. Constant communication doesn’t always mean healthy communication.
What you had for lunch, you were late for class — these issues aren’t as important as confiding in each other about problems with friends, parents or struggles at school. And at the end of the day, you want your significant other to know the real you, struggles and all.
Facebook and texting all day are great, but nothing comes closer to actually being together than a phone call or Skype video chat.
As I mentioned before, honest communication is also important. If something about your relationship is upsetting you, communicate it.
3. Be productive in the time that you spend together.
When you finally get to see each other, it is natural to want to spend all of your time alone. But being social as a pair is equally important in terms of growth and compatibility.
While I was nervous about introducing someone from my past to my current friend group, I was relieved to find that the two mixed very well.
Even more so, I am elated to find that I am growing as an individual as I progress through the first serious relationship I’ve had.
Over the last five months I have seen myself mature along with another person, and it has differed from any other relationship I have had. It has also been some of the happiest months I’ve had in college.
All relationships are difficult, long distance relationships just have their own set of struggles.