What do the University Board of Supervisors and Chris Brown have in common?
Both should be in jail.
In the latest twist of the saga regarding the Board of Supervisors’ refusal to turn over the names of candidates for the University’s president position, District Judge Janice Clark threatened members of the Board with imprisonment if they didn’t hand over the list.
Imagine that. All 16 of our illustrious Board members, including the single female and our own student body president, cooling their heels in holding cells until one of them breaks down and begins to recite the names, one after another.
At least, that’s how I imagine it will look in the eventual straight-to-TV movie.
Tagline: “When the validity of their University hangs in the balance, will the Board make the right decision?” Starring Nicholas Cage as F. King Alexander and Lindsay Lohan as Judge Clark.
If the underlying issue turns out to be cartel-related — I mean, Alexander is from California — we could get Vince Gilligan in on the action, and maybe turn the whole thing into a miniseries.
“Purple and Gold are the New Orange,” anyone?
For now, we don’t need to fictionalize the already ludicrous goings-on. Let’s just focus on the facts, which all point toward either a wonderful excuse to hide all of this from the public, or a point of pride.
I’m sure the Board has a reason to keep this information from us, or they wouldn’t act so inflexible on the issue. When someone isn’t being transparent, though, that points toward an underlying issue.
This whole thing reeks of scandal. First off, it’s happening in Louisiana, and as a state, we’re not known for our stellar lack of corruption.
The Board treated 35 mystery people as applicants, but claimed they were never finalists for the job and therefore didn’t have to release the names of the potential presidents who weren’t Alexander.
If the University doesn’t call a candidate a finalist, that doesn’t mean we’ve given up the right to know the 35 others considered for the job.
Other universities, among them our close neighbor — Nicholls State — can handle an open search. The school is even in Louisiana, proving the stereotypical shadiness wrong.
Nicholls announced its new president Tuesday, doesn’t owe the state thousands of dollars and has no one headed to jail.
It’s not that difficult to carry out an aboveboard search, but then again, not many people follow the news about Nicholls State.
Our University, on the other hand, still ranks within the top 150 in the U.S., according to the U.S. News and World Report.
Which means while we crash and burn, it’ll be worth millions of stories, and the University will become a laughingstock.
Our degrees, by association, will turn into jokes overnight.
I’m not saying this will definitely happen, but if our Board of Supervisors lands in prison, how well does that bode for our reaccreditation? It’s certainly not a check in the box for the criterion of a reliable Board.
And even if it doesn’t affect the validity of our diplomas, the Board of Supervisors has managed to rack up $60,000 in debt that could potentially be tacked on to next semester’s fee bill — maybe in the form of an ego fee.
Or not, but at the very least, don’t let this go unnoticed. Speak out against this atrocity blighting our University’s name, and make sure your college career prepared you to do so eloquently.
Megan Dunbar is a 20-year-old English senior from Greenville, S.C.