The conversation around age gaps has always given me a rotten taste in my mouth. I guess you could call it an intense feminism gene.
I’ve begun to notice a pattern over time that represents a harmful narrative around age gaps, which are dangerous to the mental health of young women. With the Lana Del Reyaficiation of older men and romanticizing authoritative relationships, I’m slightly disappointed to see some women commit their valuable years to older men.
It may be controversial to acknowledge the dynamics of the age gap relationship between older men and younger women; however, what comes to mind is a lack of positive male reinforcement when I see major age gaps.
Above all, I’ve learned from an early age that self-preservation is my number one priority. Taking a leap and compromising your youth and experience for another person who is light-years ahead of you is not an idea I support.
Being a woman in her 20s, I’ve had significant personal experiences that have allowed me to support this claim.
People in major age-gap relationships always get the brunt end of the stick. I don’t condone yucking anyone’s yum, especially because most lessons come from experiences; however, I firmly believe that in order to become a better person, if you choose, you must step out of your comfort zone and try new things. But maybe just don’t step into a romance with someone significantly older or younger than you.
It’s pretty obvious that in most cases, people in age-gap relationships are going through a cannon event period in their lives. It is important, though, sooner rather than later, to realize that the dynamic is unnatural in many ways. Have fun and live your fantasies, but expecting a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship shouldn’t be the end goal.
I could play devil’s advocate; perhaps someone younger would want someone with higher maturity levels or their lack of a certain insecurity. But ultimately, I can’t help but believe that someone choosing a younger person to be romantically involved with is, unfortunately, trying to live through them vicariously.
Examples start at another impressionable age. Unfortunately, the dynamic our parents and other family members set seeps into our subconscious. We undeniably make choices that end up similar to the ones our parents made. Weirdly, older people in age-gap relationships can’t identify that pattern. It’s even more frightening when they do allow the cycle to continue.
I was never the type of kid who couldn’t wait to grow up, date and get married. I have nothing against marriage or commitment, but the idea of sacrificing your right to make mistakes and the opportunity to choose is frightening and unrealistic.
The most complicated age gap is around a 10-year difference. Somehow, I feel like emotions are as high for someone in their 20s as they were in their teens. If your partner is 30 years or more, it can open doors for you to set unrealistic expectations for yourself. This era in our lives is meant to be imperfect, and we should be with someone who is also imperfect.
Figuring out who you are never ends, even as a 20-year-old college student. It’s hard for me to even comprehend being in a relationship with someone so sure of themselves when you’re at one of the biggest transitions of life.
Growing up with someone your age and working on your relationship can positively benefit your character. Even if things don’t work out romantically and you live separate lives, think about the feeling of meeting each other again and realizing how important that growth period was. This person you knew and loved at a completely different time has become someone entirely different. It’s rather poetic, and you don’t get that in age-gap relationships.
When you share those transitional years of your life with someone, you can expect arguments and mess, but those are characteristics of an adult relationship. I feel like being with someone older allows avenues of manipulation. Though manipulation can take fruition in any form, no matter how old you are in a relationship, it just makes more sense that in moments of vulnerability, your older partner could find ways to invalidate you.
It’s strange to think that as an older person, you could be involved romantically with someone and watch them change and hit milestones you have accomplished years prior. I wonder what that experience is like on the opposite end. Can older people really find secure, reassuring romance with someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves? I find that hard to believe.
Blair Bernard is a 21-year-old theater performance major from Lafayette, La.
