Representative Michele Bachmann opened the door to a whole new chapter in the “equal rights” debate by speaking on a topic no one has yet considered discussing in the public eye for fear of sounding like an intolerant bigot — the issue of majority rights.
Earlier this month, Bachmann told conservative radio host Lars Larson her belief that the gay community bullied politicians’ agenda — a comment inspired by the latest veto of the infamous “anti-gay” bill in Arizona.
Bachmann’s words have inspired a local conservative group to take action, and construction has begun on a 40-foot-tall monument to Bachmann in the middle of the LSU Student Union.
The conservative group “Conservatives against foreigners and gays and other stuff,” or C.A.F.A.G.A.O.S., has successfully broken ground on the project, despite being unauthorized by school officials.
“Michele is finally giving us conservatives a voice in public life,” President of C.A.F.A.G.A.O.S. and conservative studies freshman Sissy Sarandon said. “After years of suffering in silence while minority rights were being put before our own, we want to honor the person who finally spoke up.”
The monument, which as of now has no completion date, will be a giant statue of Bachmann holding a sign, which reads: “Say no to straight bullying.”
Equal rights groups on campus declined to comment because they were unaware of C.A.F.A.G.A.O.S.’s existence.
“We are following Michele [Bachmann]’s lead and have begun working on our own media advocacy program,” C.A.F.A.G.A.O.S. Vice President and male gender studies sophomore Jardaniel Jameson said.
Immediately after Jameson swung a sledgehammer and literally “broke ground” on the project, he was arrested by LSUPD.
“Jardaniel is our hero and we have contacted Michele’s office to implore her to come to his rescue,” Sarandon said. “If you’re reading this Michele, C.A.F.A.G.A.O.S. and Jardaniel need you.”
C.A.F.A.G.A.O.S. was founded the day after Bachmann’s radio statement. In the past two weeks, members of the group have created proposals to ban gay groups from campus, deport every immigrant — including the ones with green cards — and send letters to every public official in the nation to implore for the repeal of the Civil Rights Act.
So far, they haven’t received any answers.
Bachmann’s office manager replied to our request for comment with a puzzled, “Huh?”
“We get that our leaders are busy, but we are ready to do whatever it takes to make them listen.” Sarandon said. “If that means writing to all of them every day until they answer, then we will.”
C.A.F.A.G.A.O.S. is a national organization comprised of Sarandon and Jameson. They will be holding tryouts for new members as soon as Jameson gets out of jail.
“We want equal rights for ourselves,” Sarandon said. “Everyone else can just move to Canada.”
Jose Bastidas is a 20-year-old mass communication junior from The Woodlands, Texas.