“Baby, you’re so perfect. I have no idea what I would do without you. You are everything to me.”
I know it’s a bit dramatic for a post-shave mirror monologue, but it’s my everyday routine. It’s important to frequently remind yourself how great you are, and it’s even more important to not rely on another person to do so.
Over the last four years or so, I’ve consistently been one of the few single people in my groups of friends. Don’t worry; I’m not going to burn 600 words complaining about being lonely.
If you wanted that, you could just stitch together the 20 most recent statuses by that one Facebook friend who has to make sure you know how miserable their recent breakup was.
I don’t see it as an inherently negative thing. I think I’ve learned a lot, both from being in solitude most of the time and from viewing numerous relationships from the outside.
Dating someone can be an incredible and healthy experience, but I’ve also seen it functionally ruin people’s lives. It all depends on the reasons you’re doing it.
If you’re with another person because you truly love each other, whatever that means, then that’s great. Good for you. Go ahead and flood everyone’s visual capacities every five minutes with new profile pictures of you two kissing.
But then there are the couples that seem to be together only because they feel like they have to be. There are multiple reasons for this.
Perhaps the most obvious is that it’s continually implied, usually indirectly, that you can attain true happiness if and only if you find romantic love.
You go to the movies with your girlfriend and watch the protagonist trudge through depression for an hour and a half until he finally gets the girl.
There’s complete silence as Mr. Guy and Mrs. Finally Came Around kiss at the altar.
Then some old Black Eyed Peas song blasts as all the subplots resolve by bringing back those running jokes you had forgotten about since the middle of the movie.
You grab your girlfriend’s hand a little bit tighter as you turn your backs to the credits. You want to make sure you end up as happy as Mr. Guy.
Couples who use these unrealistic scenarios as their standards of love are pretty much bound to fail. The lighting won’t be perfect for every kiss, and the camera won’t zoom out every time you argue. There’s no script for real love.
And then there are the relationships founded on jealousy. You know these people. The guy who sticks his chest out every time another guy exists in the same solar system as his girlfriend. The girl who reads her boyfriend’s texts every time he goes to the bathroom; he’s been urinating unusually frequently, so he’s probably hiding his mistress in there. “Love” can’t do much good when it puts you in constant fear that one human will be attracted to another besides you. Biology isn’t really in your favor on that one.
Finally, we have the lily-pad daters. These are the people who just cannot handle being alone. They hop to a new relationship as soon as the previous one is over — sometimes before.
This is particularly problematic because the human condition necessitates that you only have yourself at the end of the day. You can try to use infatuation with another person to forget about your personal problems, but they’re still there; just like you can tape over all the mirrors in your house, but you’ll still have that mole on your cheek.
If you can’t face your own feelings, I don’t know how you think you can share yourself with another person. You haven’t stopped lying to yourself; you’ve just extended your deceit to include someone else.
If you’re dating someone for any of the above reasons, do yourself and your partner a favor: Put an end to it, play your favorite breakup song on repeat for a few hours and get over it.
The human capacity is far too great to be wasted on fake love.
Ryan Monk is a 21-year-old chemical engineering senior from Lake Charles. You can reach him on Twitter @RyanMonkTDR.