After years of saying the planet is heating up, scientists are going back on their words.
“Yeah, we’re really not sure what happened,” said one world-renowned geologist who chose to be referred to as Dr. Temperate. “We stepped into the lab the other day and realized that we had a fundamental misunderstanding of the difference between the upward and downward directions. Our bad.”
This came off as a bit strange, so we took the time to speak to another scientist from the same lab who chose the less original moniker, Dr. Anonymous.
“See, the issue was in the reading of the thermometers,” Anonymous said. 
They had been forgetting about the X Factor, an arbitrary number that can be added to or subtracted from any temperature reading.
“To put it in terms even a Neanderthal like you could understand,” Anonymous said. “The popular belief has been wrong the entire time. Earth is cooling down, at an alarmingly rapid rate.”
That was when we really started to get skeptical of our sources’ claims.
We interviewed a third scientist who recently had been fired from the lab. He also wished to remain anonymous, but he didn’t seem to understand the concept of a pseudonym. He just kept repeating my own last name.
“Yeah, I came in to work after a weeklong vacation and saw a sign hanging across the front entrance that said, ‘Global warming? More like global warming!’” said Dr. Monk. “I think at that point they were so delusional that they thought that was a pun.”
Monk had been studying the average temperatures at certain times of the year in different areas around the globe. He found clear increasing tendencies over the last few decades in many regions. 
When he returned, he found five of his coworkers profusely sweating over a few data plots he had compiled. They were annotated with words like “poop,” “loser” and “boring.”
“They said the temperature outside was absolute zero,” Monk said. “When I pulled up a weather app on my phone to prove them wrong, they once again called me a nerd and said I was fired.”
Monk believes that his coworkers were driven senile by a combination of global warming and failed air conditioning. In their new dehydrated, overheated delirium, they began second-guessing their abilities to read temperatures and other basic data, so they decided to move in to the lab to resolve the problem. From there, everything snowballed (pun very much intended).
If professionals as qualified as those quoted in this “article” can be so severely misled in regard to the issue of global warming, so can the average person. Think twice before you regurgitate what you hear from television or your grandparents. There’s a good chance you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Disregard the news reports, the Facebook statuses and BuzzFeed articles about the top 12.37 ways to take selfies once the world freezes over. If it feels like it’s gotten hotter since last year, it probably has.