Going to the bar and meeting a cute stranger is common. Unfortunately, it’s even more common for women in these scenarios to become victims of the ongoing femicide in the U.S.
In an effort to combat this, women have started using fake names when going to bars and clubs to meet people. Fake names and other safety precautions are used to avoid predators in nightlife settings.
Typically, when a woman meets a man at a bar or club, there’s an exchange of names, social media handles and sometimes phone numbers. More times than not, women are uncomfortable in these situations and feel pressured to provide this information so that they aren’t harassed or assaulted. Once they reach safety, most women block the man’s number and socials.
It’s a very convoluted process that doesn’t guarantee women’s safety, but it’s necessary. If it weren’t for the predatory behaviors of men, women wouldn’t have to go to these lengths. One could argue that women should just say “no” and decline sexual advances, but this leads to harassment, assault and even death in some cases.
Just this March, twin sisters Sanyia and Samyia Spain were brutally attacked in a New York deli by a man who was flirting with them. Both rejected his advances and the conversation escalated until the man stabbed them, according to reporting by The New York Times. This encounter left Samyia dead and Sanyia in the hospital.
This is just one of the thousands of rejection killings that severely impact Black women more than any other race in the U.S., according to data analysis by the Violence Policy Center.
What’s truly heinous about these acts of violence is the typical public reaction. Instead of blaming the attacker for his deplorable actions, people will find a way to fault the Spain twins.
Simply condemning the patriarchy would be easy and predictable, but there’s another approach that may be more helpful. Instead of holding women responsible for the safety of other women, men who genuinely have good intentions should also know how to intervene in these situations.
Men are notorious for not reading social cues even when the signs are right in front of them. Women only entertain very uncomfortable conversations with men if they feel in danger, and their body language says it all. So if a man sees this, he should feel more than obliged to step in.
Sometimes, people get so caught up in minding their business that other people’s well-being suffers as a result.
A 2017 study by the Journal of Interpersonal Violence demonstrated that men are more reluctant to intervene in interpersonal violence or domestic violence disputes. It’s also been reported that men’s willingness to step in is influenced by their perception of the victim.
Bystanders shouldn’t allow their biases to dictate whether they help someone. Intervening in these situations can protect women from a variety of dangers.
Even if a woman isn’t in immediate physical danger, providing a fake name can help prevent cyber stalking. Most people can go on Instagram and find someone using only their first name. With harmful intentions, anyone could find anyone’s social media account, even if it’s private.
The next time you find yourself at a bar and you see a woman talking to a man, think twice about turning a blind eye to that encounter. Pay attention to body language, her drink and any other red flags. If you see something, say something.
Jemiah Clemons is a 20-year-old kinesiology sophomore from Miami, Florida.
