Editor’s note: The following column is satire.
Bud Light’s decision to sponsor Instagram posts by transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney created a firestorm of media controversy. Conservative commentators and social media users have been speaking out against and even boycotting Anheuser-Busch, the beer brand’s parent company.
The backlash is now to the point where Anheuser-Busch facilities are receiving threats. The wave of criticism and dip in the parent company’s stock price has many questioning if the decision was worth it.
Bud Light was attempting a change in branding to attract a different kind of drinker and turn from the company’s “fratty” image that it’s cultivated over the years.
That image of Bud Light is firmly planted in the American mind; if there’s a story about a fraternity pledge who was forced to drink 20 beers in an hour, it could be safely assumed the beer of choice would be Bud Light.
Before deciding on sponsoring Mulvaney it’s possible that the company was considering going a different direction and changing the end cards of their ads to read, “Bud Light: The Official Beer of Hazing.”
Bud Light has angered conservative drinkers which to some suggests that they should have never run the controversial ad, but that thought ignores the potential value in creating a conservative alternative to the cans bearing Mulveny’s face featured in the ad. Conservatives would enjoy the representation that would come from a Bud Light can with an AR-15 on the front of it.
The original ad was pro-LGBTQ, so the conservative rebrand should be the opposite, a print featuring two men getting married with a red circle around it and a line drawn through. They could go more direct with it and write on the cans, “Not Gay Beer” or “Beer For Straight Guys.”
Bud Light would win conservative fans back with an anti-immigration campaign featuring a border patrol agent who uses the product as a source of power and drinks it instead of water. The ad would show coyotes coming over the border but turning back around after seeing an empty can of Bud Light signaling that the BL Borderman is near. They could even sell action figures for kids that idolize the character.
Conservatives are known for standing outside abortion clinics and berating women as they go in. Bud Light could sponsor a conservative protestor and put them in an ad where they toss a can at a woman walking into a Planned Parenthood Clinic. Then she picks it up and drinks it and changes her mind walking back to her car, driving home intoxicated and maintaining a pregnancy defined by excessive drinking.
Anheuser-Busch could put out an ad that depicts former president Barack Obama as Osama Bin Laden calling the shots on 9/11 like a head coach with a headset and a play sheet before the words “Never Forget” come across the screen. Another idea for an Obama ad sure to get some conservative dollars would feature Obama on his first day as president moving into the White House and turning it into a mosque.
Republicans would swoon at an ad featuring a Black Lives Matter protest where the police lose control until one officer drinks a Bud Light and gets the idea to use their armored tanks to quell the commotion. They could even offer special Bud Light paint jobs for tanks or any other military-grade weaponry that they use to act as an occupying force in underprivileged communities.
Branding doesn’t have to be an either-or proposition. Moving forward, Bud Light should have options that cater to everyone.
Frank Kidd is a 22-year-old mass communication senior from Springfield, Virginia.
