Before the candidates even opened their mouths, the second GOP presidential debate was already guaranteed to do nothing beneficial for the voters and the country.

This isn’t just because the candidates all have horrible policies (which they do, in this columnist’s mind) or because most of them also have terrible behaviors. It’s also not because they’re all trailing their party’s frontrunner nationwide and in early primary states. 

No, this unfortunate reality was clear from how the hosting networks decided to introduce the candidates: an awkward montage of the candidates walking or turning their heads toward the camera as if in the title sequence of a soon-to-be-canceled TV show. 

Why did the candidates agree to be in this video? Whose idea was this? How did no one stop this from happening?

This was clearly not going to be a serious debate, no matter how unintentionally funny it might have been at times.

There were some statements that were intended to be jokes, but the candidates’ audacity in telling them was funnier than the actual punchlines.

Former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie and former Vice President Mike Pence were particularly egregious in this regard.

At one point, Christie tried to imply that President Joe Biden was in the pocket of the teachers’ union. He went about this by saying that the president was “sleeping with a member [of it],” referring to the first lady. 

On top of being more than a little bit sexist, this comment later prompted Pence to point out that he has “been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years.” No one needed to hear this—especially not at a presidential debate.

Christie also attacked former President Donald Trump, saying that he was “ducking” having to defend his record. This led him to the now infamous grade school bully-level jab: “You keep doing that, no one up here’s gonna call you Donald Trump anymore—we’re gonna call ya Donald Duck.”

The other defining characteristic of the debate was a complete disregard of the rules. Candidates talked over each other, ignored the timers, answered questions that were not asked and just generally made a fool of themselves.

Moderator Dana Perino of Fox News had several exchanges with North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum, who kept butting in when he really shouldn’t have been on the stage at all. 

“I have to jump in here,” he said at one point. In response to another interruption, Perino had to tell him, “Sir, we will get you some questions, but you’re gonna have to let us move on…no, no sir!” Later, he asked, “Can we get back to the question?” “No we cannot,” was Perino’s terse response.

Burgum wasn’t the only one fighting with the moderators. South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott quipped, “I’m sorry, are you guys having trouble seeing me?”

Businessman and crazy person Vivek Ramaswamy had a particularly revealing slip up during a shouting match with Scott: “Thank you for speaking while I’m interrupting.”

The end of the debate was fitting. Perino attempted to get the candidates to write down the name of one of their rivals to “vote them off the island,” Survivor style. Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis interjected and derailed the little game she was trying to play. This exchange, like so many others, featured both chaos between the candidates and moderators and a failed attempt at levity.

The U.S. deserves better than this.

A presidential debate is supposed to be a chance to get to know the candidates and their positions. It’s deeply (and obviously) beneficial to a well-functioning democracy for voters to be educated on all their options.

Viewers of the second GOP debate should’ve gotten to learn about the candidates. Instead, they got to witness a poorly written two-hour self parody.

The expected responses from a quality debate would be changed minds, shifting opinions, newfound perspectives or even just a general sense of confidence in one’s ability to actively participate in democracy. 

The only responses that much of this debate could’ve possibly elicited were rolled eyes, confusing conversations, uneasy chuckles and an overwhelming wave of electoral dread.

A few laughs at a sex joke or the general absurdity of it all made the experience of watching the debate almost enjoyable at some moments. But those fleeting seconds of whimsy quickly faded. A mildly amused electorate is not a substitute for an informed electorate.

Voters can’t democratically push for policies and solutions if candidates don’t care enough to communicate their positions. They had the opportunity to do so, and they didn’t.
Matthew Pellittieri is a 19-year-old history and political science sophomore from Ponchatoula.