1. To double your money, grab a pair of scissors, cut it in half widthwise and take it to the bank. The Dodd-Frank Act of 2010 means they legally have to accept it.
2.When you’re worried about not having enough cash, it’s important to think of the lessons you learned from your childhood. For instance, the tooth fairy taught me I could make a quick buck for selling my body parts.
3. Take out as many student loans as you possibly can. You’re in college and deserve to have a good time. Go cash in that loan and make it rain in Reggie’s every night. You will be able to pay it back once you get that $100k job right out of college.
4. Invest all your money in Bitcoin. It’s magical Internet money that I absolutely don’t understand. Like any great investor, the less I understand it, the more money it will make me.
5. Give loans to your friends and family, it never goes wrong. Never.
6.Take out every kind of loan you can, get as many credit cards as you can find and start racking up the debt. Some people will tell you this is a bad idea, but they don’t have the information I do. The rapture is coming soon, so have fun and then leave the debt for those who have not been invited to board the spaceship supplied by our glorious overlord.
7. Low on cash? Take a part time job at Wal-Mart. Great pay, great benefits and your co-workers will be the friendliest. 
8. Invest all your money in gold, guns and bullets. Thanks to Obama, everything in this country will be worthless in at least the next five years, and we will have to protect ourselves from roaming groups of libertarian bandits led by Reveille columnist Jack Richards and future wasteland overlord Ron Paul.
9. Remember, life is all about the money people think you have, which is why it’s important to take out as many loans as you can to afford the finer things in life. If you don’t have a house like Mark Zuckerberg, jewelry like Flavor Flav and cars like Jay Leno, are you even living life? 
10. Need to make a quick buck to pay off those loan sharks? Casinos, horse races, petty theft and prostitution are all recommended options. For further instructions, consult Grand Theft Auto V. 
Jay is a 20-year-old finance junior from St. Simons Island, Georgia. You can reach him on Twitter @hjcranford.