A Kansas-area college student’s Amazon.com textbook order arrived Jan. 23 with some unexpected supplementary materials.
Bookmarking the pages of MidAmerica Nazarene University junior Sophia Stockton’s used copy of “Understanding Terrorism: Challenges, Perspectives and Issues” was a bag of white powder.
Fearing that the unknown contents were anthrax, Stockton took her discovery to the local police department.
“I told them white powder was in my terrorism textbook, and so I put it on the table, and they’re like, ‘Oh, okay,’ and so [an officer] went back and tested it,” Stockton told NBC affiliate WPTV.
They tested it? Wink. Sniffle.
Stockton continued, “He comes back and says, ‘You didn’t happen to order some cocaine with your textbook, did you?’ And I was like, ‘No!'”
And I was like, “Yay!”
I would’ve been like that, at least, had I been the benefactor of the mind-blowing indiscretion of the student — let’s call him Joe Blow — who sold his textbook to Amazon.com without canvassing its pages for his booger sugar.
It’s textbook idiocy.
Joe Blow’s RA was probably nosing around his dormitory while he was cracking the books — or book, in this case. Along these lines, panicky Joe Blow likely stashed his gutter glitter in his open textbook, fearing his RA might blow the whistle on his study habits.
Alternatively, it’s possible Joe Blow generously reasoned that the dense textbook’s next reader needed an extra kick to keep her nose in the book, to blow through its difficult material, to read between the lines.
While it’s ironic that Amazon.com, Inc. — whose namesake is an Escobar-notorious region of cocaine bandeleros — is now effectively a dealer of both textbooks and drugs, it’s not entirely the e-commerce giant’s fault.
While Stockton’s textbook was purchased through the world’s largest online retailer, her order was fulfilled by Warehouse Deals, Inc., where customers benefit from fire-sale prices on refurbished and used products that do not meet Amazon.com’s rigorous standards as “new.”
“Prior to offering an item for sale on Warehouse Deals, we verify its physical and functional condition,” Amazon’s website explains.
The $400 worth of cocaine, which I’ve dubbed “Kindle Super Fire,” was missed in the inspection.
Stockton, though, has to be the most honest college kid in America. She kept her nose clean, which is more than I could say for myself.
Bottom line: Had that been my Amazon.com textbook order, I’d be blown away.
That said, no one wants to snort a line of anthrax. The “Amerithrax” attacks of 2001, as the FBI called the case, saw letters containing anthrax spores mailed to several news media offices and two Democratic U.S. Senators, killing five people and infecting 17 others. Given that “Understanding Terrorism: Challenges, Perspectives and Issues” probably made the possible connection as plain as the tip of her nose, Stockton can’t be blamed for playing the situation by the book.
I won’t rub her nose in it, in other words.
But textbooks are expensive, and given that Amazon.com lists “Understanding Terrorism” used from $9.97, selling the $400 supply of cocaine would have yielded her a net profit of $390.03, an amount that would certainly line the empty pockets of most cash-strapped college students.
While the whole incident hasn’t exactly blown over, it hasn’t been blown out of proportion either.
Authorities haven’t even reported the incident to Amazon — or any other agency, for that matter.
Stockton, on the other hand, did notify Amazon, though she doesn’t believe the company is to blame and will likely keep ordering from its website in the future, she said.
Me too.
Phil Sweeney is a 25-year-old English senior from New Orleans. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_PhilSweeney.
 
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Contact Phil Sweeney at [email protected]