Hate is a strong word.
It’s one of those words we reserve for the truly great evils of this world. Evils like famine, war, pestilence or anything that has to do with the University of Alabama.
But this sort of hatred requires great care and attention for cultivation, much like a massive pot of gumbo. Following the recipe is key for the best-tasting, spiciest Cajun cuisine.
We begin with an age-old rivalry. Though LSU first drew blood with a 12-6 victory against Alabama in 1895, the Tigers have spilled far more over the past 117 years. Tension is sure to exist between two foes who have been exchanging blows for almost four generations.
Next, throw in decade after decade of being the whipping boy. Before the turn of the century, Alabama led the series 42-16-5, with a good portion of its wins coming in the form of blowouts.
Follow that up with the Alabama fan base. There are few places in the country that spawn more smug and stuck-up fans with a ridiculous sense of entitlement. A sense of entitlement that is quite unwarranted, considering LSU leads the series 9-4 and has just as many national championships as Alabama since 2000.
If you want to add some overkill to the flavor of your concoction, then mix in a heaping helping of hype from the national media. ESPN basically craps its pants and shuts itself down during the week of the LSU-Alabama game.
Hell, the game even merits its own ticker.
And let’s not forget the media’s incredible decision-making skills. Last year, they found it just to call Alabama the No. 2 team in the country and give it a spot in the national title game when it wasn’t even the best team in its own division come season’s end.
But I figure it’s hard for the media to say much else when their lips are permanently curved in the shape of Alabama’s ass.
For those out there who need the spiciest product possible, make some room for a traitorous head coach.
A coach who cut and ran to the NFL for cash and a little prestige after LSU’s first national title since 1958, then scurried away from the professional ranks and set up shop with our archrival when things didn’t go so well in the NFL.
A coach we burn in effigy, and whose name I dare not speak.
And finally, bring out the greatest regular season ever. Bring out 13-0, an Southeastern Conference Championship and an upset against the No. 2 Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa, Ala.
But don’t put it in. Instead, grab those three-and-a-half miserable hours from last January. Take the opportunity to prove all the naysayers wrong and the dashed hopes and dreams of what could have been the greatest team ever. Put it in and close the lid.
Now let it sit for 299 days.
And when Saturday comes around, spoon-feed it to those superhumans clad in purple and gold. Give it to the masses, the 93,000 that will constitute the largest organized riot Tiger Stadium has ever seen.
And on that day, when the sun finds its home in the western sky, we can finally channel that hate toward something positive: beating Alabama.
