Make way for the Zouaves and call out the fifes and drums. Raise the stars and bars from the battlements and let’s burn down Atlanta — secession’s in the air and the South has finally risen again.

Well maybe not the whole South, but definitely Livingston Parish.

When Barack Obama was sworn in as president the first time around, he launched a nifty little website called “We the People” as an addendum to the White House’s official page.

“We the People” was created to allow the average citizen to formulate an online petition and file it electronically, with the Obama administration promising to review and respond to any petitions that receive more than 25,000 digital signatures.

Thus far, Obama’s “We the People” has brought to the attention of the commander in chief a petition asking for a national repeal of marijuana prohibition and the release of the White House’s special beer ingredients.

Obama said no to the weed, but if it’s any consolation, he released the beer recipe.

And since the president’s re-election, citizens from 33 states and counting have lodged petitions to secede from the Union.

Finally all of those re-enactments are going to pay off. I knew I wasn’t just hanging on to this 19th century smooth-bore muzzle-loading rifle for sentimentality’s sake.

Texas and Louisiana have been leading the charge with a combined total of more than 100,000 signatories to their respective requests for independence — while the rest of the former Confederacy has brought up the rear with about 20,000 signatures each.

I suspect Mississippi’s and Alabama’s inability to put up as many votes has less to do with a reticence to secede than it does with their respective population’s inability to read, write or use computers.

Needless to say, this entire putsch is stupid — and let’s be honest, more than a little racist.

I know. This is all about state’s rights. That’s what you said last time around, too.

And if it isn’t racist, then it most certainly looks racist, what with secession petitions being bandied about in all of the former slave states days after the first black president is re-elected, which plays back to overwhelming stupidity.

If you want to articulate your legitimate grievances against the federal government and the Obama administration, this is pretty much the worst and least effective way humanly possible.

Let’s pause for a second and consider something, just for you diehard David Duke fans out there.

For every tax dollar Louisiana gives to the federal government, it receives about $1.78 back in the form of federal subsidies. Louisiana is literally a welfare state.

If we were to secede, we’d have a slightly weaker gross domestic product than Nigeria — the only difference being that most African countries have less corruption and freer elections.

But it’ll never get to that, and that’s why this entire farce is so silly and shameful.

This initiative isn’t going to inspire pointed dialogue about the shortcomings of Obama or the U.S. government — it’s going to inspire a 30-second bit on “The Daily Show” and maybe an “SNL” sketch.

Ultimately, this isn’t about rebellion or bringing slavery back or whatever these people are trying to accomplish — it’s really about hypocrisy and the chance to whine on a national level.

We’re proud, flag-waving American lovers of democracy, with our Freedom Fries, bumper-sticker slogans and yard signs, up and until our candidate loses. Then it’s to hell with elections.

Part of being a patriotic American and believing in democracy is engaging the process even when it doesn’t go your way. Being a patriot is about living democracy, not just paying it lip-service when it’s convenient.

Anything less is treason.