Place your bets and assemble your viewing parties, because it’s almost time for that magical night once a year when everyone who’s anyone on television packs into an auditorium and pretends to be gracious about losing to “Modern Family” again: the Emmys.
The most recent season of television brought some killer material in every category, so the Emmy race should be close this year. Take a look at the list of nominees.
There’s “Breaking Bad,” which as you can tell from this video is clearly my personal pick to win every award for which it’s been nominated. There’s “Boardwalk Empire” (which swept its premiere year), “Mad Men” (which had a fantastic season), and “Downton Abbey” (which may prove to be the real threat in its first year in the drama series category). And of course there’s “Modern Family,” which is genuinely one of the funniest shows on television, but I’m not sure it’s nominate-the-entire-adult-cast-for-an-individual-Emmy funny.
I say the race should be close, but I’m not sure it will be. I’ve spent a lot of time watching awards shows (read: screaming at my television), and I’ve noticed are a few things that committees like Emmy voters really love.
1) Period dramas, especially if they’re set in England. The lusher the costuming and the thicker the accents, the better. Bonus points if there are any elements of politics or class disparity. Super bonus points if you manage to work in a World War or a character with a disability.
2) Any shows that are controversial or considered by the mainstream to be “edgy.” Awards voting committees are terminally terrified of seeming out of touch (spoiler alert: they often are), so they’ll pick something that they hope will make them look progressive. Hey, we totally know what the kids are watching these days! We’re not like other awards voters, we’re cool voters!
3) Honoring legacies. It doesn’t matter if it’s not as good as it used to be, if a show has been nominated every other year or an actor/actress is already a big name in cinema, you can almost always bet they’ll at least get a nomination.
It’s the same kind of business the Oscars pull almost every year. Meanwhile, “Parks & Recreation” gets snubbed for a comedy series nomination, critically acclaimed casts like that of “Justified” get shut out, and “Two and a Half Men” inexplicably picks up nods for a category that isn’t Deadest Horse.
There have been some stellar things happening on television in the last year, but I’m not sure the Emmy voters will agree with me on which were the best.
Maybe I sound too cynical about awards. Maybe Tom Hooper’s best director win at the 2011 Oscars broke me. In the words of Ron Swanson, “I still think awards are stupid, but they’d be less stupid if they went to the right people.”
So maybe I won’t get everything I want on Sunday, but it’s worth it just to see nearly every person from television that I care about crammed into one room like some kind of Netflix-induced crossover fever dream. I really hope I get to see Mary Crawley and Skyler White comparing notes on the art of judgmental faces.
And hey, at least “Glee” isn’t nominated for anything this year.
Let’s drink to that, shall we?
THE DOUCHEBAG JAR
In honor of Schmidt from “New Girl,” the best character on one of the best new shows of the year.
2 parts lemonade
1 part Dekuyper blue curacao
1 part Rose’s sweet & sour mix
1 part Bacardi rum
Serve on ice, in a jar.
BLUE CRYSTAL
A tribute to my favorite for this award season, “Breaking Bad.” Nothing says celebration like Heisenberg’s signature blue meth. I split mine with some Sprite to make it easier to drink, but if you want to do it straight-up cartel style, add a slice of lime and skip the Sprite.
1 part Dekuyper blue curacao
1 part Jose Cuervo Especial Silver tequila
Combine in a margarita glass, garnish with salt or sugar on the rim. If you want to get really fancy, drop in some blue rock candy like they use on the show.
BONUS DRINK: THE ROGER STERLING
1 glass of top shelf imported vodka
1 pack of cigarettes
Walk into someone else’s office. Pour yourself a drink. Drink it.
