A wise man once said, “every time a large Italian man rolls on the ground in agony for 20 minutes in an attempt to draw a foul, an American sports fan contemplates hari kari.” OK, so I made that up. Sue me. Soccer will never make its way to national prominence in America. I’m as sure of that as I am that LSU will always hate Alabama and that Charlie Sheen will do some sort of illegal drug. I can never be 100 percent positive, but call it a hunch. Americans love their sports. But that’s just the issue, they love their sports and soccer isn’t ours. The game is deeply rooted in European tradition, from the game’s original formation in 19th century England, to its governing power being based in Switzerland. Most of the world’s best teams all reside in Europe. Basically, soccer looks like the love child of Napoleon and Queen Elizabeth threw up a big bowl of sauerkraut all over the Roman Coliseum. People may claim that hockey has been accepted into America’s “big four” sports, and it was created in Canada. First off, hockey is popular in the North and that’s all they can play through two feet of snow. That and, honestly, Canada is America Light anyway. The simple fact that Americans insist on calling it “soccer” and instead call a game that uses feet maybe a dozen times “football” is the most glaring example of how much “respect” this country has for the world’s sport. It’s just not an American sport. Americans want to win, period, end of discussion. At the end of the day, all that matters is who stands on that podium. In the words of Beyonce, “If you like it, then you should’ve put a ring on it.” As much as people want to argue about it, the fact of the matter is that U.S. soccer is a joke on the world stage. America is ranked 28th in the world behind 16 European countries and Mexico. And while that is a respectable ranking, quiet frankly it isn’t good enough for what American sports fans expect. The U.S. national team is 8-6-3 in the past year with only one win being of any significance – a 1-0 road win against Italy in February. The U.S. men’s Olympic basketball team has won 13 gold medals, compared to the national soccer team earning their highest World Cup finish of third place in 1930. The MLS is laughable compared to the English Premier League, Serie A or the Bundesliga, while the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL are the premier leagues of their sport. The MLS All-Star team lost 4-0 to the EPL’s Manchester United last year and 5-2 the year before. The most significant contribution the MLS has made to the soccer world in the past decade is paying a lot of money to superstars who are too old to play anywhere else and spend more time shooting underwear ads than training. Soccer fans can say it’s the fastest growing sport in the country until they develop an English accent. But at the end of the day, America will always prefer touchdowns and tackles to draws and flops. _____ Contact Mike Gegenheimer at [email protected]