Ladies and Gentlemen:This evening, for your viewing pleasure, we present a gladiatorial extravaganza, a trial by combat of two veritable armies of holy men fighting for the Promised Land.In the red corner, the pious pugilists in the peak of prayerful perfection: prepare to be purified, it’s the Armenian Monks!And in the blue corner, a colossal cadre of Christ-like Combatants: Prepare for some carnal carnage, it’s the Greek Orthodox Monks!No eye-gouges, crucifix pokes, or hits below the rosary — fight!The above scenario – a tag team brawl between monks – sounds surreal, but it actually happened.Sort of.Last month, a dispute between two rival sects of monks in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem erupted into violence.The Church of the Holy Sepulcher is, as holy sites in the world’s holiest city tend to be, a source of great conflict. The grandiose and labyrinthine structure is sacred to many Christians as the site where Jesus died.It’s also home to six – count ‘em, six – different sects of monks.The church has been inhabited by multiple denominations of monks since the Crusades. In the ensuing centuries, the theological and ethnic divisions between the various sects have deepened.Picture living with a roommate who disagrees with your customs, doctrines and even sometimes your faith itself. Now do it for 800 years. Ideological differences have given way to full-on feuds over the years. The various sects bicker constantly over which order is responsible for maintenance of what part of the church building. A ladder, placed against one wall more than a century ago for a painter touching up the art, still stands today, because of disputes about who has the authority to remove it.A brawl erupted last year over a monk from one sect moving his chair into shade on another sect’s turf.The most recent combat is a result of contention over, ironically, a celebratory parade. A group of Armenian monks organized a procession to commemorate the anniversary of what they believed to be the finding of the cross Jesus died on. To ensure the Armenians weren’t using it as camouflage to covertly alter the altar (so to speak), the Greek Orthodox disciples demanded one of their members be allowed to observe the proceedings.Apparently the Armenians didn’t enjoy the prospect of spiritual surveillance, because they rejected the demand by quite impolitely hurling the observer out of the worship space.When the Armenian parade reached the main sanctuary, the entrance had been blocked by several rows of defiant Orthodox monks – and the fight was on.The resulting melee ballooned so out of control that Jerusalem police and Israeli military troops were dispatched to break it up. Once the pacifists had been pacified, troops in full uniform patrolled the grounds wielding assault rifles to maintain order. One member of each order was arrested.Let’s face it, fighting monks are hysterical — watch the video.  This ain’t Shaolin Kung-Fu either — it looks more like a bar fight.Why is a monastic melee funny?  Maybe it’s because they take vows of humility and peace. Maybe it’s because they’re supposed to be examples of Christian serenity.Or maybe it’s because it shows that everybody — even monks — are human. Maybe it’s because a group of people that have lived together for hundreds of years fighting over minutia is something that speaks to all of us, especially college students.Or maybe it’s just because punches being thrown by bald guys in robes is just plain funny.—-Contact Matthew Albright at [email protected]