I have all my teeth.I’ve never sucked on a strand of straw.I’ve never ridden a motor boat through a murky swamp, or even been to one for that matter.And the first Voodoo I will see will be in one week.So why is it that nearly every film and television show out there that is about or even mentions Louisiana, depicts us as hillbilly lowlifes tooting around on John Deere tractors?Or rifle-toting rednecks, just raring to get in a bar fight and take home the pertiest, or shall I say skankiest, little lady at the saloon?I can’t vouch for everybody else, but I’ve never ridden a tractor. The first time I learned how to ride a lawnmower was this past summer.And the only “firearm” I have ever shot is a water gun.I don’t know about my fellow Louisianans, but I’m starting to get pretty offended by these cinematic stereotypes.For as long as I can remember, Louisianans have been pigeonholed into the following categories:  the gossipy Southern belles from North Louisiana, exhibited in “Steel Magnolias;” the ignorant Cajun from the Southern swamplands, exhibited in “The Waterboy;” and the pin-poking Voodooists, exhibited in “The Skeleton Key.”I realize our little state isn’t praised for its innovation and education.I’m aware people still practice Voodoo and Hoodoo and all sorts of black magic.I’m sure some people still use outhouses somewhere in the backwoods.But that doesn’t mean all of us emerge from the depths of alligator swamps, like that creepy little girl in “The Reaping.”But thanks to the new HBO series, “True Blood,” Louisianans can be placed into yet another classy category.Now we are country bumpkins by day and sadistic vampires by night.It’s not the fact that the show depicts us as drunken buffoons or ditzy barmaids that could easily be mistaken as ladies of the night that bothers me.It’s those god-awful accents.Now I realize I may have somewhat of a Southern drawl myself, which I was oblivious to until several of my coworkers started mocking me incessantly.And I am acquainted with quite a few people who talk “twangy.”But there is no way we sound like those people in “True Blood.” Or at least I hope we don’t.First of all, I just don’t see how those actors could even remotely sound like us, considering the stars are Canadian, British or Australian.Just watch a clip of it on YouTube.com and see for yourself. It’s utterly embarrassing.But once you get past the absurd names like “Sookie Stackhouse,” “Mack” and “Denise Rattray,” the cringe-worthy accents and the references to Monroe as the happening city of the boondocks, the show isn’t half bad.But it’s because of shows like this that the world sees our state as the white trash capital of the world and the home of the most uneducated and uncouth citizens, or shall I say creatures?So maybe I should remind everybody of some of Louisiana’s prouder personages.What about Huey P. Long?Sure, he was a crooked politician, but if it weren’t for him, Louisiana’s roads would be in even worse condition than they are now.I know “All the King’s Men” was based on him, but come on, how good did that movie make us look?”Esquire” recently named Gov. Bobby Jindal one of the 75 Most Influential People of the 21st Century, along with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Scarlett Johansson.That’s pretty impressive.Then there’s Jerry Lee Lewis, who despite his pedophile-like tendencies, is a darn good musician. And so are Louis Armstrong and Britney Spears.Louisiana is also the home of Anne Rice and Truman Capote, who have certainly contributed to the literary world.And “Pistol Pete” Maravich and the Manning brothers.Harry Connick, Jr. and Ellen DeGeneres are noteworthy as well.And we can’t forget fitness expert Richard Simmons.Now there’s the pride of Louisiana.So we may have a multitude of people with mullets and rattails running around barefoot in our grocery stores.And we most likely started the style and coined the name “wife-beater.”But that doesn’t mean we’re all tacky and trashy.It’s true our state is on the top of all of the bad lists and the bottom of all the good ones.We may not be the crime-savviest state or the cleanest people on the planet, but we sure are cultured.Unfortunately, our state is and will forever be known as “Loosiana.” And its residents will probably always be portrayed as salt of the earth in film and television.But I guess being talked badly about is better than not being talked about at all.- – – -Contact Drew Belle Zerby at [email protected]