Some people may consider Ugg boots, mom jeans and shoulder pads to be the top fashion faux pas of all time. While the mental images of these trends do make me grimace and squirm, nothing tops the Crocs.    Yes, I’m quite aware Crocs have been around for several years, and I am a bit late boarding the “I hate Crocs” train.        I’m no authority on fashion, considering I am guilty of wearing oversized sorority T-shirts and sweat pants to class on hungover days.    But I’m certainly not guilty of wearing Crocs with socks to a fine restaurant, like a blood relative of mine who shall remain nameless.Don’t start throwing tomatoes at me or sending me hate mail yet. I’m not hating on Crocs wearers themselves, for I have friends and I’m sure some co-workers who wear them. Even my dear mother owns a knockoff pair. In her defense, however, they are prohibited from venturing outside the premises of our yard.For such a fashion-conscious society, we have been quite lax these past few years. How can a plastic, foam doggie chew toy that looks like it has been attacked by a hole puncher be considered a suitable shoe?I get it, “They’re sooo comfortable.” But you don’t see many people doing that in public. They reserve that freedom for the privacy of their own homes, which should be the case for Crocs.Crocs are not just comfortable, but are also alleged to be stylish. “Fashionistas love the bold colors and the unique design is an expression of individuality,” according to the Crocs Web site.No “fashionista” that I’m aware of has ever worn Crocs. I’ve never seen a photograph of Kate Moss or Sarah Jessica Parker donning a pair.But Crocs certainly do express individuality, especially with Jibbitz, the decorative charms for your Crocs.You can pop Hannah Montana or Harry Potter pins in the breathing holes. Hell, the cast of SpongeBob SquarePants can have a party on your perforated shoe! Now how cool is that?Sure, I suppose Crocs are functional and can be a little fun. But as I have proven thus far, they are certainly not fashionable.Maybe that’s why Crocs have gone so far as to include a high heel in its heinous collection.But it seems this “fashionable” addition has not helped Crocs’ waning popularity.That could also be attributed to Crocs’ susceptibility to get caught in escalators and the cheaper, copycat Crocs that are crawling among us.So please, I’m begging you, along with all the members of ihatecrocs.com, keep Crocs in backyards and boats.Better yet, just keep them in the box.But there is still a shred of hope for Crocs wearers and innocent bystanders to salvage their image and their eyesight.The Crocs Empire is finally crumbling.”The second-quarter net profit [for Crocs] was $2.1 million, or 3 cents per share, down from $48.5 million, or 58 cents per share, a year earlier,” according to Reuters.com.The economy has also been a factor in the faltering sales of Crocs.I guess there is a silver lining to our economic doom.Local Crocs retailer Bayou Birkenstock has seen a decrease in sales, not to the dismay of its manager, Amanda Haskins.”I do the buying, and I’m not huge on Crocs,” she said. “The trend is going away with the big, ugly-colored shoe.”In a 2005 article, Bayou Birkenstock owner Bill Lovejoy told The Daily Reveille that Crocs were selling “like wildfire, like crazy.”That is no longer the case at Bayou Birkenstock.Between 2006 and 2007, the store sold 74,000 pairs of Crocs, Haskins said. But the amount sold has dramatically decreased to 39,000 pairs since August 2007.Haskins disagrees with Crocs’ mantra of being a comfortable and orthopedically correct shoe.”They are not good for standing on all day,” she said. “And I don’t think they are comfortable.”Apparently the supposed comfort of Crocs is not even enough to keep people hooked, as Tia Williams Mattson, public relations manager for Crocs, said in the 2005 article.So it seems the fad is finally fading. Unfortunately, this fashion error can never fully be erased, especially since it will take thousands of years for the plastic-foam combination to decompose.So 10,000 years from now, when a group of extraterrestrial archaeologists are sifting through the rubble of mankind, they will not uncover remnants of one of the technological advancements of our time, such as a MacBook Air computer or a Hybrid car. But will rather uncover a Croc, somehow still intact, with toxic plants sprouting through the sweat holes, and wonder, “What the hell were they thinking?”
 
–—Contact Drew Belle Zerby at [email protected]