We live in a world where carrying accessories like cell phones and iPods has become commonplace. BT’s Futurology department took note of this and decided to go ahead and make things a bit more … permanent.
Within the next 15 years, women may have the option of having an MP3 player installed inside of their brand new 36DD-sized breasts.
No, that’s not a joke. According to BT Laboratories analyst Ian Pearson, boobs aren’t just for looks anymore.
“It is now very hard for me to think of breast implants as just decorative,” Pearson said in a press release. “If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful.”
Apparently, one breast could hold an MP3 player while the other could house the person’s entire music collection. Flexible plastic electronics would lie inside of the breasts, linking the whole arrangement together. As for song selection, the most obvious option has been ignored. Instead, the system would be controlled by a panel on the wrist via Bluetooth. Signals would be relayed to wireless headphones, likely also by way of Bluetooth.
This proposition seems to have at least a few faults. For instance, the system is most likely powered by a rechargeable battery. This makes perfect sense except for one tiny issue: how in the world would it be recharged? Most people probably aren’t very comfortable plugging themselves into a wall socket every couple of days, especially not via a port mounted on the breast. Also, not taking into account the disturbing charging factor, how will the battery be replaced? A good rechargeable battery lasts for less than two years. When the one imbedded in your chest dies, will you be willing to have it surgically exchanged?
These points don’t even begin to touch on the possible physiological ramifications, such as exposure to radiation or having all of that technology and electricity mounted so close to vital internal organs.
The current proposal only allows for women to become a bit technologically endowed. It pains me to even consider what sort of similar possibilities BT might propose for men.
However, despite the flaws, and as creepy as it sounds, there are some women who will undoubtedly consider it a viable option, if only as a status symbol. Really, who could top that? “Oh yeah, you just got a new car? Well I’m a cyborg!”
—–Bryan won’t be getting implants any time soon. Contact him at bgoldberger@lsureveille.com