My mother spent a lot of her time trying to raise a good Southern belle. Seeing how I’m as much my father’s daughter as I am hers, she definitely had her work cut out for her. I didn’t quite grow up to be that prim debutante who loves to entertain and never raises her voice, but Mama managed to at least instill a good sense of how to act in public and a respect for other people. My next few columns are dedicated to my classmates who weren’t quite so lucky.With that out of the way, here are the rules on how to act in a theater — be that live theater or the movies. (You’re welcome.)1.  Seriously, put your phone on vibrate. If you need to answer it, go outside. Why is that so hard to grasp?  2.  And don’t text, either. We get it — you’re soooooo popular you have to socialize through every second of your life. Fine. But don’t come to the same movie as me and expect me to NOT tell the manager and get you kicked out.3.  If you absolutely must talk to the person next to you, whisper as quietly as you possibly can. This rule begins the moment you enter the theater. I do not want to listen to your conversation about how much this Harry Potter is going to suck or how hot Megan Fox is. If I wanted to listen to that crap, I’d be friends with you.4.  If it is at all possible, sit one seat away from other people. I don’t want to fight you for the armrest and I especially don’t want to touch you or smell you. I’m not saying you smell bad, I just don’t want to be that intimate with someone I don’t know, OK?5.  Try not to sit directly in front of people and ruin their footrest options. If the theater’s crowded this rule becomes void, but if it’s the 10:30 pm showing of “Bright Star” and there are three other people in the theater, exercise a little consideration. Exception: You shouldn’t put your feet on the seats in front of you at a live theater production. It’s only okay at the movies.6.  DO NOT, under any circumstances, arrive late, make a beeline for the perfect seats I got here early to sit my sweet ass in, and ask me to scoot down one or two seats so you and your friends/children/date can sit together. Your punishment for being late is having to sit in those three crappy rows of seats close to the screen. I have to sit there when I’m late, and so do you.This is actually a really big one. No one has any obligation to give up seats to you, and if you work up the gall to ask me to scoot down, I will say no. Furthermore, you do not have the right to then yell at me and say I’m rude for declining, nor do you have the right to follow me to my car and jump in front of it as I drive away (I’m looking at you, crazy lady who totally did that to me two weeks ago). Acting nuts makes me WANT to run you over, creeper, so don’t tempt me like that.Let’s all try to follow these guidelines when we go to the theater. This way, everyone can enjoy their movie or play, and then what happens?  EVERYONE WINS.Sara Boyd is a 22-year-old general studies junior from Baton Rouge. Follow her on Twitter @TDR_sboyd.–Contact Sara Boyd at [email protected]