Here’s a riddle: What do you get when you publicly disgrace the most powerful man in the world by throwing your shoes at him?A noose necking? A sniper to the skull? Austin Powers’ wrath?None of the above.According to word out of the Middle East, you apparently get…Laid.Virtually everyone has seen the clips of the enraged Iraqi reporter who rifled his shoes at former President Bush during his farewell news conference in Iraq.The incident has been widely circulated across global media networks, triggering a slew of Internet games and pop-up ads inspired by the defiant effort.While Bush spoke, Iraqi reporter Muntazer Al-Zaidi rose from about 15 feet away and hurled a shoe at the president’s head, shouting in Arabic, “This is a gift from the Iraqis; this is the farewell kiss, you dog!” Bush deftly dodged both shoes while the journalist continued: “This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq!”A scrum of reporters quickly subdued the barefooted journalist, only after his voice was heard.Even though the size 10 missiles may have missed their target, Al-Zaidi struck a chord with the Arab people.Since the occurrence, Al-Zaidi has achieved global cult status for his defiance. Millions have latched on to their new favorite icon — establishing the barefoot baron as perhaps the most fashionable trend in the Middle East since the inception of the turban.Within hours of the assault, more than 1,000 lawyers offered their services, pro-bono.At Al-Anbar University, hundreds of students marched out of classes calling for the release of “Muntather Al-Iraqi.” When American infantry tried to stop them by shooting into the air, the students stopped in front of them and began throwing stones — and shoes — at the guardsmen.In Libya, the daughter of a high-ranking official allegedly awarded Al-Zaidi with a medal of courage for his valiant activism.A Saudi businessman reportedly offered $10 million for the shoes.The list goes on and on.But remarkably, this 29-year-old reporter has evolved into the most eligible bachelor in the eastern hemisphere.A Palestinian man, Ahmad Salim Judeh, offered to send one of his daughters off to Iraq to marry Al-Zaidi, according to The Associated Press. His family also volunteered to fund the wedding ceremony, as well as providing a $30,000 dowry to cover Al-Zaidi’s legal defense.Not to be outdone, an Egyptian man, Saad Gumma, is reportedly extending his daughter’s hand in marriage as well.The daughter, 20-year-old college student Amal Saad Gumma, said she would be “honored” to marry the acclaimed icon.”I find nothing more valuable than my daughter to offer to him,” Gumma said. “And I am prepared to provide her with  everything needed for marriage.”Lawyers offering their services free of charge? Fathers offering their daughters’ hands in matrimony? Student disregarding their armed authorities?Imagine what kind of offers he’d get if he actually hit the president.Unfortunately, the shoeless assassin will be locked up in a prison until further punitive action is taken. But if these reports are valid, Al-Zaidi presumably won’t have any problem conjuring up conjugal visits for the rest of his stint.While admiration and pride stir in the international community, sentiments here in America seem to stem more out of envy than pride, mostly because many people would crave for such an opportunity.Let’s be honest — who wouldn’t want to take a shot at some of our corrupted politicians?The things most Republicans would do for one hurl at that big, bull’s-eye tumor on Ted Kennedy’s skull …Or liberals would do to fix Dick Cheney’s grinchy face in the crosshairs of their pellet gun.As they say, what goes around …But the reality is, instead of condemning Shoeless Joe, we should praise him for showing Islamic extremists there are ways to receive coital contentment outside the parlous, often disastrous, paradigm of martyrdom.Don’t turn to immolation when there are plenty of salacious sirens here on earth.Judging from Al-Zaidi’s exemplar, you evidently don’t need a roll of dynamite and an explicit virgin barter to get your bone smooched. All you need are some black dress shoes.Besides, those 72 virgins have all eternity to wait.So thank you, sincerely, Muntadhir Al-Zaidi, for providing a peaceful exemplar for settling civil disputes. I’d be obliged to walk a mile in your projectile shoes any day of the week.So long as you can find them.——Contact Scott Burns at [email protected]