I woke up this morning realizing I only have three weeks left at LSU. Yet I still haven’t done many of the activities that make college life grand.Free Drinks? Eighties Night? Playing Frisbee on the Parade Ground? Never done any of those. Alcohol and dancing just aren’t my bag.Basketball games? Football games? Baseball games? I’ve been to a few. Call me a curmudgeon, but the view always looks better from my 16-inch at home. Plus, I don’t have to deal with the 18-year-old, Polo-wearing guy who just discovered too much beer and hot dogs leads to either awkward conversation with alums or barfing on Lockett’s curb.Yep, spring is kind of boring. I’ve missed out on a lot, but there’s still time to wreak havoc.In the first week, I’ll come to school in my $42 cap and gown. Nothing else. I’ll walk up to all my teachers during class and give them a handshake. When the professors start talking, I’ll interrupt by asking, “Does this pertain to my life? No? Well, you don’t mind if I do a line of coke on the desk, then jam some Deep Purple, huh?”This will only lead to me getting kicked out of class, so in reality, I’ll probably only do this on the Friday of the first week. But I might connect with the mousy chick who also likes nudity, narcotics and air drumming to Deep Purple’s “Hush” (which is a billion times better than “Smoke on the Water”).In the second week, I’m going to pack my bongos, bulldog and blanket in my car and park right in the middle of the Quad while blaring a live Bob Marley bootleg.Someone’s already done that? Dammit, this is tough.OK, OK, rewind.In the second week, I’m going to spit the most ridiculous lines at the most attractive women on campus. Scratch that. I’m going to say the most god-awful things to every woman on campus.Line one will be something like: “I have a double major — in body and massaging. Yeah, add it up.”Line two will be more sensual: “Who ordered this weather? Thank God I live at the Venue.” I’ll follow this awesome attempt with my trademark eyebrow lift, frantically yelling “Boom.” Line three will just lay it all on the table: “I would like to take you to Popeye’s, then grab a case of beer and watch ‘Pootie Tang.’ I don’t normally do this with everyone, so you should feel honored.”Sure, laugh it up, but I’m Chatrouletting in real life while you’re on Chatroulette looking for a mate who sticks his or her computer camera near his or her genitalia.Boom.Week three is usually saved for more academic things like studying or reading a 1,000-page astronomy book the day before the final exam.Not for me. I will scoff repeatedly during the test and say, “What is this — amateur hour? I thought this was supposed to be a final.” I’ll stand up after I take my exam, point at the professor and yell once more, “How’s your mind? Blown?” None of these plans will go over well. It’s enough to make my mother cringe and take back all those plans she made for my graduation party.But that’s what college is for, right? Being crazy, having fun and living life?No?Oh well, at least I finished like a champ.—-Matt Sigur is a 22-year-old mass communication senior from West Monroe. Follow him on Twitter @ TDR_msigur.