English freshman Kat Audiffred’s life has been far from normal. She grew up as a perfectionist, wanting to please everyone. She has been riding and competing on horses for years. But the most impactful aspect of her young life has been her eating disorder, which began after a tough conversation with her then-doctor.
“I can basically split my life into three parts: before the eating disorder, during it and the aftermath,” Audiffred said.
Audiffred wanted to play volleyball and needed her doctor’s permission. However, Audiffred said what should have been a simple physical exam turned into a battle with body issues and food. Her doctor told her she was overweight and needed to lose over 40 pounds to be healthy. It didn’t take long before she started taking drastic measures to lose weight.
She said she hit her growth spurt early and was 5-foot-8-inches by age 11, which only made her feel more insecure after her doctor told her to lose weight. She said she started throwing up her meals without anyone noticing.
“My family is composed of perfectionists,” Audiffred said. “Someone told me I wasn’t perfect and I felt I had to do whatever was necessary to fix it, so I lost the weight in an unhealthy way.”
Audiffred said her family didn’t eat clean and she was too young to have her own meal plan. She didn’t have the resources to eat healthy, so she took matters into her own hands and started unhealthy habits.
On Valentine’s Day of her seventh grade school year, Audiffred said she hit a low point.
“I remember eating all the chocolates that we got that day and immediately throwing them all up, and that’s when I knew that something was wrong,” Audiffred said. “I had a combination of anorexia and bulimia.”
She said her disorder progressively got worse until Christmas of her eighth-grade school year when her cousin suggested that she try equestrian riding. Audiffred said she liked the idea of horseback riding, but she knew other equestrians her age were more experienced and it intimidated her.
“I had never felt that I was really good at anything, and I didn’t think that this would be any different,” Audiffred said.
However, once she got on a horse and began riding, she said she proved herself wrong. Audiffred said her connection with the horses and riding came naturally to her. Her trainer was dumbfounded and didn’t believe she was a beginner. Soon, Audiffred got her horse Bart and began competing. She competed “Saddle Seat” for three years, but she said she didn’t like how they treated the horses so she switched barns and started “Hunter-Jumper” lessons.
It didn’t take long before she became proficient in jumping and found a new horse, Ben, to compete with.
“When you get into that ring, you can’t hear anything. It just goes deathly silent,” Audiffred said. “Shows were always a lot more scary because my horse Ben was anxious just like me.”
Once she was able to excel with her new horse, she said she knew she needed to eat right and go to the gym to excel because there was no way she would be able to succeed if she was unhealthy and tired from malnourishment. She said she took matters into her own hands again and saw positive results – she reached a healthy weight and only threw up her meals about once a week instead of daily.
“When I got into that show ring and got a blue ribbon, that showed me that I could do anything I put my mind to,” Audiffred said. “I realized that I could conquer the eating disorder, too.”
She said she stopped focusing on her physical appearance and started focusing on her physical abilities.
“My parents knew how much horses helped me, and that’s why they supported it for so long,” Audiffred said.
Audiffred currently rides at another barn with a new horse, Chucky. Chucky is a retired racehorse and is only about 5 years old, so Audiffred has a lot of training to do with him. She said focusing on him and training him helps both of them remain healthy and happy.
Audiffred has overcome many battles, but she finds peace and strength by sharing her story and being open about it.
“I hope that someone reads this who needs to hear it,” Audiffred said. “We are not alone and we all have to find our own escapes, like I did with horses.”