This past week, the #MeToo movement took quite the hit.
Actor Aziz Ansari was accused of sexual assault by an anonymous woman called “Grace” on Babe.net after a date went sour last September.
The internet exploded with differing reactions on the matter. Frankly, it’s quite easy to see what the issue is. Surprisingly, the issue is the accuser.
It’s horribly unfortunate to utter those words, since the #MeToo movement is an amazing thing helping women all over the world.
However, that does not mean a woman should use this movement to completely misconstrue a situation.
According to the Washington Times, after Grace and Ansari finished dinner, they decided to go to Ansari’s apartment. At the apartment, they both committed sexual acts. Grace reported feeling uncomfortable with actually having sex, so she would say, “Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill.”
Ansari would back off, but would then try to progress with the sexual activity. He didn’t force her to do anything. Grace was not drunk and she didn’t freeze up or say “no” or “stop” as they both continued the relations. She may have felt uncomfortable, but she kept those feelings to herself and did not inform Ansari of those feelings until the next day.
To erase any confusion: if someone offers you a cookie and you eat it, then it is a consensual act of eating that cookie. If you don’t want to eat the cookie, then you have the ability to say “no” to eating the cookie and to not eat it. If someone forces you to eat the cookie, or if you are not conscious to accept the cookie, that is not a consensual act of eating the cookie, and the person forcing it is in the wrong.
If someone offers you a cookie, and you are thinking you shouldn’t eat it because you are on a diet or don’t feel comfortable, then don’t eat it. If you eat it anyway, that is still a consensual act of eating the cookie. You chose to eat the cookie. If you regret eating the cookie the next day, it does not count as a non-consensual act of cookie eating. The person offering the cookie cannot read your mind and understand that you are uncomfortable, so he or she is not to blame for your consumption of those calories.
According to USA Today, Ansari received texts from Grace the following day. She informed him of how uncomfortable she felt at his apartment.  Ansari claimed he felt surprised and concerned and didn’t realize she wasn’t having fun because she didn’t voice her feelings.
If you don’t express your feelings about a situation, then nobody will read your mind. That’s the reality of any situation in life. If you have the ability — mentally, emotionally and physically — to vocalize your feelings, then you need to do so or the outcome may be part of your own doing.
“Our standard for sexual behavior has to be more than what’s legal or illegal — it needs to be about what’s right,” tweeted feminist author and The Guardian columnist Jessica Valenti. “Why are so many people asking why this woman didn’t leave and so few asking why he didn’t stop?”

 
While Valenti’s tweet is understandable, there needs to come a point in time when people quit blaming gender norms — or any other issue out there — and start looking at themselves. As a grown woman who obviously had the ability to say no or walk out of this non-violent situation, she should have put on her “big girl panties” and done just that.
Ansari obviously had no idea what she was thinking or feeling, and since she kept playing along, it’s understandable why he kept going.
She had no right to accuse Ansari of such a career-ending and life-changing crime because she didn’t want to grow up and handle the situation.
This is insulting not only for the falsely accused, but for actual victims of these crimes. Women are traumatized by sexual crimes.
To falsely accuse a man of assault or harassment because Grace felt uncomfortable the next day only belittles the movement and the crime itself. It makes the whole situation look ridiculous.
It’s important to know the difference between those situations. You can’t give a cookie back after you decided to eat it and blame it on the person who offered the cookie.
It’s unfair to everyone because it will discredit actual victims as well as the #MeToo movement. If you have honestly been sexually assaulted or harassed, then that’s what the movement is for. Don’t hinder the movement because of a personal bad decision.
Abigail Varnado is a 21-year-old English senior from Amite, Louisiana.