It’s the oldest profession in the world.
Prostitution, also known as hooking or whoring, has been deemed a poison by our upstanding, family-minded lawmakers. It is viewed in most parts of the country as a disgusting, immoral and a disease-ridden field of employment.
In Louisiana, prostitution is viewed as not only immoral but sexually offensive. If you get caught hooking a certain way, you are put on the sex offenders registry.
Yes, the one and only. Prostitutes can be thrown into the lot of serial rapists and other sexual offenders as if they were the ones forcing sexual acts upon victims.
Prostitutes can be convicted as sex offenders for what is called a crime against nature — and let me tell you, nature is easily offended.
Prostitution when oral and anal sex are involved is considered a crime against nature. A first conviction of a crime against nature was a felony until August 2010. A second conviction of a crime against nature is still harsher than simple prostitution because the offender must appear on the sex offender registry for 15 years. A third conviction of a crime against nature gets them lifetime sex offender status.
To put it simply, this is stupid.
Prostitutes are in no way, shape or form sex offenders. Prostitutes provide a service: sexual favors in exchange for money. They are not forcing anyone to have sex with them. So how can they be considered sex offenders? Moreover, how can anal and oral sex carry a heavier penalty than simple prostitution?
We condemn prostitution as a sin while simultaneously demanding its service. Prostitutes exist because there is a demand for them to exist. They do the things our husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends and friends with benefits wouldn’t dare.
Prostitution is a dangerous game. Nobody grows up wanting to be a prostitute. They find themselves in times of hardship. People who lack work skills but possess sexual organs figured out somewhere along the line that sex is a skill that pays.
Prostitutes are raped, beaten and given diseases by less-than-cordial clientele. It is not a safe profession. Yet, what makes it not safe is us — our society, our politicians and our moral high ground. In an attempt to combat prostitution, we have created laws that allow for dangerous working conditions that result in violent crimes. We can no longer desire and condemn the same thing. Our moral shortfalls allow prostitution to continue, but our pride says we must stop it.
Here’s my proposal — just let it happen. Rome fell, the British Empire fell, the Soviet Union fell — and all the while, prostitution survived. It’s a profession older than dirt that shows no sign of going anywhere.
First, get rid of the crimes against nature. They’re outdated and stupid. Are you really going to pay a hooker for regular sex? Talk about boring.
Secondly, open up brothels and protect these prostitutes. Why shouldn’t they have proper working conditions? If the casino workers can complain about excessive cigarette smoke in their workplace, prostitutes deserve a safe working environment too.
Thirdly, tax them. A newly enacted Louisiana Prostitution Tax could provide money for higher education — like this university. It will be like the lottery, except the money would actually go to education instead of the 35 percent of lottery revenue that winds up in the State Treasury, designated for God knows what.
Legalizing prostitution would not only protect these individuals but also generate revenue and provide a safer encounter for both the prostitute and client. For a city with an extremely high HIV/AIDS rate, government regulation of solicited sex would cut down on disease transmission by ensuring safer sex practices.
Prostitution — the answer to budget cuts.
Parker Cramer is a 20-year-old political science junior from Houston. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_pcramer.
 
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Contact Parker Cramer at [email protected]