Nearly three weeks after suffering a surprising loss in the Presidential Election, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton has retreated to the woods surrounding her estate in Chappaqua, New York.
Sources close to the former candidate say she enjoys walking her dogs and hiking with her husband, the former President.
“Secretary Clinton is enjoying her life as a private citizen,” a former aide said. “She loves the downtime and binge-watching ‘Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life’ just like everyone else in America.”
But reports from eyewitnesses who have come across Clinton in the Chappaqua Woods say there’s something eerie about her.
“I voted for her, and was so hashtag blessed to find her wandering aimlessly through the woods,” Clinton supporter and millennial feminist Caitie Burkes said. “But the moment I met her, I could tell something was wrong.”
“There was no soul in her eyes,” Burkes said of their encounter. “She kept speaking in Latin too, so I was like, v[ery] confused.”
When asked if she should helped the evidently lost Clinton, Burkes nonchalantly dismissed the idea, saying, “Doesn’t the Secret Service keep track of her or something? I just wanted a selfie.”
After claims of other encounters with Clinton went viral, reports of witchcraft and paganism began to become mainstream with President-Elect Trump tweeting, “Crooked Hillary has kicked crime and taken up the craft. Sore loser! Scary! #BlairWitch #MAGA”
Retired tourist Jay Shelledy described his own encounter with Clinton in the woods as “harrowing.”
“I got excited because I thought she could point me to the nearest martini bar,” Shelledy said. “But she just kept chanting and had a Voodoo Doll of Jill Stein.”
Stein, the Green Party’s Presidential nominee, has recently filed for a recount in Wisconsin. More are expected to follow in Michigan and Pennsylvania – states Clinton narrowly lost to Trump.
Through her lawyers, Clinton’s campaign has stated it will participate in the recount to ensure fairness.
Experts are puzzled as to why Stein, a candidate who received less than 1 percent of the popular vote, would push for a recount.
“Something spooky is going on,” local wiccan and pollster Christian Boutwell said. “It’s like an episode of ‘Scooby-Doo’ or something.”
John Gavin Harp is a 21-year-old mass communication senior from St. Francisville, Louisiana.