So I’m clairvoyant. At least that’s what the palm reader said.
You know, I’ve always felt special – like I was better than everyone else.
And it turns out I was right.
I mean, I don’t think I’m Jesus or anything, but I’m definitely more divine than the human race.
And I’m a wonderful lover.
Anywho, back to the palm reader; I was drunk – oh wait, she was drinking – probably drunk – when she put her hands in mine and said, “read it.”
So I did.
It was an odd experience. All I could do was describe the scenes that were playing in my head.
Of course I had to leave a few out merely because of their content, but for the most part I just told the palm reader what I saw.
“Umm, you like sweat-shirts,” I said.
“Yes, I do!” she answered.
“You worry – sometimes.”
“How did you know?”
“Yeah, and your favorite song is Super Freak,” I said.
“You see,” she said, “I told you you were clairvoyant – do you ever see dead people?”
“Well, once when I was 10, and one of my great uncles or something died, and my mom made me walk up with her to the casket, and I touched his face, and I started to cry, and when…”
“No, I mean like ghost. Do you ever see ghost?”
“With Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore, Yeah, I’ve got it on DVD the Criterion Collection – did Whoopi play you in that movie? You’re the palm reader?”
“No, not the movie Ghost but the real thing. Have you ever seen a real ghost?” she questioned.
“Oh – no,” I answered.
“What about the future? Do you ever see predictions of the future?”
“I watch the Weather Channel. Jim Cantore is f***ing crazy!”
“You’re special aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I am.”
Then she left – I saw it coming – I mean, I knew she was leaving. Then, I left. And on the way home, I took a different route, because I knew if I went the usual way, I was going to die. So I went another way, and lived.
It’s a really good thing I’m psychic, or I would probably be dead by now.
Come with me. I can see your future.Jay knows the score of next week’s game.
Contact him at [email protected]