The word “sport” gets tossed around way too much in the sports world.
Just because an event has live human beings, may or may not use a ball, has referees, a rulebook and a TV deal does not make it a sport.
Of course, there are the major sports — baseball, basketball, football and hockey — everyone recognizes because they generate tons of money, have millions of fans and people find them visually pleasing to watch.
But there are several events people try to pass off as “sports” that simply don’t fly. Most can be found by turning on your TV to ESPN at 3 a.m. or in some obscure magazine for the event’s three fans. See how many are recognizable.
Curling — This will never be a sport. Any activity involving ice, brooms and men in tights should best be left to house cleaning in a snowstorm, not an athletic arena where people pay money to watch.
Bowling — The tough, grueling life of a Pro Bowling Association player is evident on those ESPN promotions. Getting those over-sized checks for doing something most people at Don Carter’s (wearing matching aqua bowling shirts) are capable of doesn’t make them professionals.
Billiards — There’s nothing like watching a rousing game of nine ball to get the blood pumping, but unless it’s a chump getting hustled in a dingy pool hall for all his cash, the entertainment just isn’t there. Maybe the Pro Bowling Association could set its tournaments up in real bars, with an occasional brawl in the background to keep things interesting.
Poker — Again, unless it’s Mel Gibson in “Maverick” throwing the Ace of Spades into the pot to win the poker championships, the enjoyment is not there for me. Why not make the competitions like the Old West, complete with outlaws and have a Sheriff on hand to curb any cheating? It still wouldn’t be a sport, but it would be more fun to watch.
Ice Skating — While many women watch this sad excuse for athleticism, it doesn’t have a large male fan base, despite an abundance of male competitors. Guys don’t want to see other guys in leotards twirling and spinning, it is not a flattering picture and should not be associated with other, more athletic sports.
However, it did spawn the terms “triple axle” and “triple lutz,” which are quite funny.
Roller Hockey — Ah, the ice hockey drop-outs finally have a home. This no-ice, in-line skating version of hockey doesn’t quite get the attention or fans the National Hockey League receives and for good reason.
While all the players in these lackluster events are no doubt hard workers and some skill is required to master these so-called sports, they’ll never get on the cover of Sports Illustrated for any daring feats they’ll accomplish in the future. What a shame.