In the world of sports, where most competition is done in team sports, it’s amazing that so many athletes are only worried about themselves. But even more amazing is how many of them are good at it.
So, in honor of these great heroes of narcissicim who realize taking one for the team is vastly overrated, for any professional that’s ever uttered the phrase, “me, me, me,” this one’s for you.
It’s the All-Selfish team, listed in no particular order because I wouldn’t want to piss these selfish bastards off any more.
Keyshawn Johnson. Remember this guy? He wrote a book called “Just Give Me the Damn Ball” and was the former No. 1 NFL draft pick of the New York Jets. When that team wouldn’t give him the damn ball enough, he threw a tantrum and the Jets traded him to the Bucs. Tampa, which won the Super Bowl last year, has had enough of Johnson’s cry-baby antics and deactivated him for the rest of the season.
“I was never Gruden’s guy,” Johnson told ESPN.com. “He never liked me. I told him I’d rather retire than play for him in 2004. Tell everyone I’m in New York looking for apartments.”
A message to the landlord unfortunate enough to lease a place to Johnson: Just give him the damn keys.
Robert Lane. In honor of the Tigers playing Ole Miss this week, it’s only fitting that I give props to the freshman quarterback that resides on the Rebels’ bench. After committing to LSU in 2002, Lane dangled the idea of playing professional baseball over the Tigers’ coaching staff’s head to better his position. Then, when Nick Saban went after JaMarcus Russell as insurance, Lane de-comitted and went to Ole Miss and stayed there when he wasn’t drafted by a Major League Baseball team.
Here’s hoping Lane gets the starting job next year after Eli Manning graduates but is benched after he threatens to defect to the baseball team if he isn’t on more pages of the media guide or the coaches don’t let him pad his stats more so he can turn pro.
Terrell Owens. The sharpie-pulling, pompom waving, enigmatic wide receiver for the San Francisco 49ers knows all about watching his own back. When asked what he thought of the team’s quarterback situation after Monday night’s 30-14 win against the Steelers, Johnson turned the conversation to himself, saying the only one looking out for him was his family.
Is it me, or does the athlete in the Budweiser commercial who “puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of [his] supporting cast” look similar to T.O.?
Alex Rodriguez. “Pay-Rod” apparently isn’t happy with the losing ways of the Texas Rangers, and he has listened to trade discussions from the team. Rodriguez still has $179 million left on the $252 million contract he signed three years ago, and it seems he’s finally learned the true meaning of the cliche, “It’s not about the money.”
As every professional athlete and those on this list will undoubtedly tell you, it’s always about the money.