When presented with the opportunity to write a weekly relationship column for thousands of curious eyes to devour, my main concern was I would not be able to answer all of my readers’ questions. With countless ideas for my first column racing through my head, one question in particular continues to distract my attention from the rest. What defines – much less qualifies – an individual as a relationship columnist?
In attempt to answer this vital question, my first step was to define a “relationship.” After many efforts of my own, I could not decipher a logical or articulate definition. Therefore, I turned to our friends, the renowned scholars employed by the Webster’s Dictionary Company. I was distraught when I read the definition provided by these greatly respected scholars. “The state of being related” is not exactly what I felt quenched the thirst of all you love-parched readers out there.
With a failed attempt behind me and more crumpled paper on the floor than a dog kennel, I began to ponder on the age-old clichés my parents always supplied me when I was lovelorn. One parental nugget of knowledge in particular rang clear in my head – “Wisdom is learned by experience.” This quote seemed to say what could possibly could capture the essence of a relationship. Refusing to use myself or any other naïve soul as the guinea pig in my experiment to gain the wisdom of relationships, I simply compiled a list of situations that could be “relationship material.”
Scenario 1: After an intoxicating night at a local hot spot, two youthful individuals find themselves highly attracted to one another. After graciously thanking their good friend the bartender for allowing them generous amounts of beverages, they proceed to find transport home. In order to save time and gas, they agree to stay in one place for the duration of the evening and allow their high level of hormones to circulate the room. The next morning as the sunlight delicately streams across their faces, they wake to a bare body lying next to them, but unfortunately they cannot identify the name of their temporary roommate or where they met him or her. Could this possibly be considered a “romantic” relationship?
Scenario 2: A young male finds himself extremely attracted to the charmingly handsome man who sits across from him in his English 1001 class. Lovestruck and giddy, he continues to swoon over his “unattainable” prince and begins to accept the idea that he will only be able to express his true emotions in his dreams. As fate would decide, he is assigned to his prince as peer-editing partners and will finally be forced to assume dialogue with his dream lover. After an awkward greeting, the two engulf themselves in the other’s rough draft.
Delightfully titled “What is the Essence of Me” the to were surprised at how much they have in common and quickly become permanent peer-editing partners. After the semester comes to an end and their final papers are turned in, the two continue to spend ample amounts of time together and soon begin dating. Could this also define a “non-platonic” relationship?
Scenario 3: Two close friends find that after spending countless hours together their once platonic relationship has somewhat evolved into an innocent attraction. Ignoring this obvious connection, they find their emotions becoming stronger and deeper every day. Without ever deciding on titles or boundaries, the two fall in love and establish an understanding of never allowing the other one to be alone. Is this a relationship?
Without a concrete and satisfactory definition of “relationship,” I cannot completely answer the question of what exactly defines or qualifies an individual to be a relationship columnist. I will however make it obvious that this is not a diary of my personal experiences nor will it be a “how to” column – my advice in that area is limited. Only time will tell exactly what this column will entail and maybe when it’s done we will have defined a relationship. Until then, it shall remain nonexistent. And just for the record, I am a virgin.