Since the fall of the communism in the Soviet Union a decade ago, an ongoing debate about the role of America in the world has raged — does the country possess the wax wings of international primacy or does it wield the diamond-encrusted scepter of a world empire?
The United States’ obnoxious actions in Iraq answered that question decidedly. As Americans, we now have no choice but to think of ourselves, for better or for worse, as the Romans did of themselves over two millennia ago.
The thing I find so curious is that we believe we can retreat, index fingers in ears, to green-lawned subdivisions in keyless-entried SUVs, from the inevitable conclusion of all world empires — decline and fall.
It happened that way with Rome, and Spain, and France, and most recently, Great Britain.
However, infinite change has occurred since our imperial predecessors ruled, not to mention our country is different internally than any other previous empire.
George W. Bush is truncating the United States’ imperial reign. Though CEBA, in the words of one LSU political science professor, may well be the “most Republican place on Earth,” it’s time we all address the simple fact that George Bush is an idiot.
He’s bad for America and he’s bad for the Republican Party. Starting unnecessary wars that an all too indebted country cannot afford while ignoring real threats (e.g. nuclear proliferation in North Korea) is not the way to run a country.
Does anyone at all recall the plethora of problems with Social Security? Well, not when we can spend billions of dollars to fight daddy’s war.
No more presidents named Bush! Note bene: Bush’s plan to flood United States borders with our neighbors to the South may have something to do with continuing the Bush dynasty with nephew George P. Bush, who campaigned heavily for his uncle to garner Hispanic votes.
A common language, though not heritage, may energize a generally stagnant Hispanic voting block in twenty years.
Regardless, if the United States wants to strengthen its imperial power, it can do this through one thing — culture.
The American empire did not come about through the flex of military might, but rather through the magnetism of American culture.
Our best weapons in colonizing the rest of the world are things like Coca-Cola and people like Britney Spears, not stealth fighters and Richard Myers. Clinton had it right with his saxophone.
An integral part of American culture is American ideals, things like hope, democracy, freedom, and justice, a place where dissent is a truer form of patriotism than waving a flag.
Through exporting both American entertainment and pure classical liberal thought (first and best implemented in the United States), can we make a happy empire (they’ll eat more McDonald’s), and a happy empire is a peaceful empire (they’ll drink more Coca-Cola), and a peaceful empire is a long-lasting one (we’ll maintain our standard of living).
Additionally, individual Americans should strive for a country that respects those in foreign countries, especially those in the third world, exactly like each individual American is entitled to be treated here. Namely, countries like Saudi Arabia that have no respect for human rights are not our friends.
Americans should also recall incest is not the way to go from the Habsburg Empire. We’re not the best at everything.
Like the Romans, we should steal the intellectual achievements of other cultures, refine them, and then propagate it to the rest of the world.
In the end, it doesn’t matter how much more we spend on national defense than all the rest of the world’s countries combined, but what does matter is the reason France, before it hated us, gave us the Statue of Liberty.
America is a place of dreams, of apple pie and ice cream everyday, where anyone can go and succeed if they work hard enough.
Cultivating this image advances the empire, not placing horny troops with expensive guns all over the world.
God bless America!